Oh, no! The Alpha B is at it again

[mrseggcup]

Help, dawgs! I have been being really GOOD lately. No chocolate, no nothing. OK, maybe a little running-around-barking-my-fool-head-off, but otherwise, really GOOD. Then I am chompin" on a bully stick, minding my own business and I hear her on that ear-talk-thingy talking to some one about me and GROOMING! I don't know what that is exactly, but as I listened in, stuff like TOENAILS and ANAL GLANDS and EAR CLEANING came up. I don't know what those things are, either, but they can't be good. She's telling people that I look like a YAK (whatever THAT is) and SMELL like one, too. Hrrumph! Like she's ever smelled one. I have decided I must go into the Witness Protection Program. So I am working on my disguise. I am turning gray, on my chest, tummy, and inside legs. My muzzle is getting darker. With any luck, I can keep going and she will not recognize me. I will keep you posted. Oh, and don't ask for any pictures. She is very dumb in that department and besides, one of the teen-aliens broke her digital camera. Stupid teen-alien!

Off topic, the Alpha B just moved her older-than-dirt father in with us. He is like 637 in dog years!! He's seems pretty decent, tho, and seems to like me. So I guess it's OK, as long as he doesn't chomp my toys and stuff.

Woof!

Eli (Fearless Leader of CUR)

[Scully'sMom]

Yo Eli! What nerve of your upright to say you look like some yak. My daddy tells me I look like an Ewok - whatever THAT is. I don't tell HIM when he needs his hair cut. The nerve of these uprights.

Lemme tell ya about that older upright that just moved into your house. They are TONS of fun. Best thing is, if YOUR grandpa upright is like the grandmom upright that lives in OUR house, you're in for TONS of extra food. My mommy always gets told by that doctor guy that I'm too fat and she keeps telling him that it's grandmom's fault. Do you believe that???? She blames that cute little old lady for stuff. My mommy gives me green beans and something called diet food - but grandmom keeps me fun things to eat like pieces of some round thing called a bagel (but I only like it if it has butter on it), and little bits of her sandwich. I say RIGHT ON GRANDMA!

Power to the Pooches!

Scully

[dianer]

My dog that has passed away was a dark brindle named Max. When I toured a Musk Ox ranch in Alaska I saw how much he looked like them, especially in his shaggy stage. Kinda musky in the smell department too. That part down the middle of his coat he used to have because of his shortage of hard hair really topped off the costume. He had a habit of snorting which made him even sound like one. I really should have made him cardboard horns for Halloween. That would have made a great picture postcard. His ears would give him away as a Cairn though.

[Tracy A.]

Eli:

Bratt Here-

Here is a stealth concept that Mett & I use- I am under the blanket, sneaky huh?

Just an Idea... Nothing like hiding in plain view....

Bratt-

[tena]

Eli:

I've been hearing the same things at my house! It's a conspiracy...I worked hard getting this shaggy.

Sophie

[kayharley]

Eli...you make me laugh big time!

And I still think you can read, write and post without any help.

[savannahsmom35]

Eli - These uprights are sneaky with this grooming junk! My upright will put my on top of the washing machine so that I can't run away and then she comes at me with ear cleaning and tooth brushing and nail trimming! Geez!!!! I am a year old now so I think that I am old enough to decide if I want to clean my ears or brush my teeth BUT my upright is still bigger than me so she wins. Once I get bigger than her, I am going to stick HER on top of the washing machine and clean her ears and cut her nails and brush her teeth. That will show her!!!! Hum... maybe not cut her nails. Those feel REALLY nice when she scratches me behind my ears.

Faithful CUR member,

Savannah

P.S - Hey Eli. When is our first CUR meeting? THese uprights are getting bolder everyday! We need to take action QUICK!

[tlwtheq]

Eli, we wondered where you had gone. We get our share of that grooming annoyance as well. It's not quite all that bad; at least you get treats afterwards.

We agree with Savannah. It's about time to initiate more CUR activities. You might not need the Witness Protection Program if we handle these...upright beasts... using Cairns United in Revolution, ya know?

So what d'ya think?

Teddy and Olie....Woof

[Anna_525]

Dear Fearless Leader of CUR,

I am afraid I am weak in the disguise department and if you have any advice I would be very happy. I have managed to change my color but it was only a few shades darker - from a cream brindle to something reddish. My lady boss even mentioned that it looks like I blushed. I could not even fool her, she knew it was still me behind that changed color. I can't believe they are that smart. One day I will outsmart them uprights and I will share with you those tactics. In the meantime, I hope I still keep my full CUR membership even if I couldn't come up with anything to turn the household upside down. Those darn pet gates have been stopping me from roving around the house.

Loyal CUR member,

Alfie

[mrseggcup]

Woof to my fellow cairns and loyal members of CUR. I am so proud of you all for your efforts towards the cause. We CURS gotta do what we can to keep these uprights in their place.... which is with theirs hands in the treat jar.

We just got 4 inches of that white cold stuff and I was stalking leaves, tossing them, and pouncing on them. It was fun. Try it.

The Alpha B just put a bunch of the old dude's rugs on the floor and I am pretty happy about that. I am under strict orders not to mess with them or on them. We shall see about that. Jeez, you'd think they belonged to the king of Persia or something! What??!! I guess I will try to be good. They have threatened to chuck a shoe at me if I screw up. Isn't there someone I can report this to??? PETA or the ASPCA??? Anybody got their number??

You cannot hold a cairn down, right, dawgs???

Woof!

Eli

[Scully'sMom]

Yo Eli, Special Agent Scully here!

Have no fear. Where my mommy works, one of the things they take care of is something called "animal rights" and I know my mommy won't let anybody throw a shoe at you. You let me know and I'll tell my mommy!!!! I'm notn a Special Agent for nothin' you know...I'm always on the job.

Power to the Pups!

SA Scully Squires

[mrseggcup]

If those uprights chuck a shoe at me I will CHOMP it! I do not find their footwear particularly tasty, but I will get back at them. Once a visiting teen alien has some shoes make of woven straw that weren't too bad....... yummmmm.

So far I am being good and checking things out. Problem is, now that older-than-dirt dude is home with me during the day when the Alpha B is working and something tells me he will not let me chomp his precious rugs. Plus he is really old and sweet and so it isn't really fair to misbehave.

I guess that grooming thing is happening tomorrow. Can't figure out how to get out of it. The Alpha B is smarter than she looks. Might have to submit and plot revenge for later. CURS, I am looking for suggestions!

Woof!

Eli

[kandya]

Please post more often.... I love your threads.....

[kjwarnold]

Fearless Leader Eli:

Undercover agent Packy here. Before my brother went to heaven, he told me that if my uprights ever take me to a groomer, I'm supposed to ignore them completely on the ride home. You know, sit facing the other direction and give them a disgusted look over your shoulder every once in a while. And I've got another one I thought of on my own -- after you get home and the first time you go out to check your pee-mail, roll in it or somebody else's poop. I'll bet that would get the Alpha B! And think how much better you'll smell instead of that perfumy stuff. You're not going to get a bow in your hair, are you?

[mrseggcup]

A BOW in my hair???!!! No way!

How undignified for the Fearless Leader of CUR! Now, perhaps a jaunty bow-tie, but I digress. Packy, you sound like one smart dawg. I think I will do exactly what you suggest. However, we have snow. I will roll in yellow snow! That'll teach her.

I truly appreciate the loyal support of my fellow CURs. Once I get this "grooming" issue out of the way, we will continue to plot our take-over. Maybe we should take over at night when they are sleeping. Mmmmm, sleeping. That soft cozy bed...... Maybe we better think about this.

You say they give TREATS when you get groomed?

WOOF!

Eli

[tlwtheq]

You say they give TREATS when you get groomed?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

They know better than to try to stiff us on treats; that much is certain.

Woof woof,

Olie and Teddy

[Kathryn]

Yo Eli!

Allie here! I'll try to salute....oops maybe just scratch my ear....anyway...

I have a solution for you. I don't think you can get out of the trimming and yanking and such, but it's not that hard and you will make it through. But then, just to show your Uprights who the boss is, do what I do: come home, looking all cute and fluffy, smelling good and generally All That, and absolutely refuse to have anything to do with those People who took you to be fussed at. They will think you are adorable (though I am sure, Eli, you already are...) and will try to smother you in kisses and pick you up and put you in their laps... Act tough, and ignore them. Make them feel your scorn. Slink off and lay under the dining room table and don't come out til dinner time. Take a long, long nap and then demand your food and return under the table.

They''l feel really bad, and they'll try to make it up to you with biscuits and cookies. Trust me -- this works. I've done it.

Arf!

[kjwarnold]

Thanks, Eli, for your confidence in my smartness. Does that mean I can be in charge of the CIA -- Cairn Intelligence Agency? If so, perhaps we should communicate all secure info by pee-mail, since the uprights can't and won't read it.

[Brody'sMom]

Hi Eli and the other members of CUR,

My mom has been too embarrassed to post this, but she got sick (Shingles, it was terrible) and while she was under the weather Dad took us to the groomers. We heard him say he did not want us to look like Westies, but I think we do. Mom says it wasn't enough that we got Westie cuts, we had to get bad ones! Dad has seen the error of his ways and he agrees that we need to be hand stripped. My sister Mia has a great coat (I'm jealous) and didn't need stripped or trimmed, but I have a lot of soft fur on my legs and belly so I don't like to be stripped.

[mrseggcup]

Well, Dawgs, it wasn't that bad, I guess. They made a big fuss over me, thought I was "cute". Only my second bath and I am 11 months old! I guess I am lucky in that department. I only got a slight trim so I still look like a cairn and less like a yak. My ears got cleaned and I have issues there, so we had to stop at the vet's on the way home. The Alpha B hid a little package in her purse and I have a feeling she's got more trauma in store for me. *sigh* Will she ever relent?

On the plus side, I did get a cool little green bandana thingy and treats like you guys said. No bow, thank goodness. They were pretty decent at that grooming place. When they were done, they let me run around willy nilly instead of caging me. Oh, the smells! I almost didn't want to leave. Then I had to supervise some delivery guys when I got home. I don't think tonite is good for the big take-over. I am kinda pooped and that bed's looking pretty good. So let's let those uprights THINK they rule for a little while longer. I am getting k in d a sl eeeee py.......

woof

eli