Fun Read

[Cybenator]

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure

your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years, canine or feline

attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets,

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less

2. Don't ask for money all the time

3. Are easier to train

4. Usually come when called

5. Never drive your car

6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends

7. Don't smoke or drink

8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions

9. Don't wear your clothes

10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

[kayharley]

And I just adore the one about "visitors". The last person who said my dogs were "just too much" has not been invited back.

Great piece...thanks

[toomanypaws]

Verry funny! I also liked the part about the "visitors". My sister just left, after having been here for 4 days. All she kept saying is, "I don't know how you do it". She said she didn't see what it was I see in Cairns. I swear, I can't believe her and I are from the same parents. She finally said that only Abbey (the wheaten) was kind of cute. My youngest Cairn, Hannah is used to being held at night. My dh was out of town, so I asked my sister if I could set Hannah next to her on the couch while I took the garbage out. She kept her at arm's distance. How can one resist a Cairn? I loved how they all danced around her feet for attention. Dogs and cats seem to sense when a person doesn't like them and then they seem to bug them that much more.

[tlwtheq]

This bit of writing is wonderful. Oh, and all too true. People who come to my house don't have the nerve to say anything negative about my children; my feelings are all too clear.

Now preparing for a whole weekend with my family,

Tara,

Olie, Teddy, Naia, Lambert, Bigwig, Mikey G., Alex, Kyle, Lizzie and Isabel's Mom

[abe's dad]

I have to ditto the above comments! Love us, Love our dogs!!! right?

valerie

[kayharley]

  Dogs and cats seem to sense when a person doesn't like them and then they seem to bug them that much more.

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My mother was never an animal person but for some reason she loves my Cairns but hated a Siamese cat we had. One time when my mother spent the night, the cat chewed her hair rollers while she slept...hair and all!

[maggie]

My mother was never an animal person but for some reason she loves my Cairns but hated a Siamese cat we had. One time when my mother spent the night, the cat chewed her hair rollers while she slept...hair and all! 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I needed a good laugh!!!!