My feelings have been hurt!

[Marmielin]

Our daughter, who grew up with dogs and absolutely loved our Cairn, Oliver, will not let us bring Tink into her house. She lives 1 1/2 hours away from us and her husband grew up in a house where dogs were not allowed. As I said, she grew up with Oliver, who lived to be 17. She thought he was her brother, since she did not have any siblings. She will admit that. Now, she has two children, and a husband who thinks dogs are "just dogs" and she has changed so much. We can't even talk about it because she won't. She will hang up on me when I bring it up because she doesn't want to be confrontational. We have to go to her house tonight to spend the night because of a death in her husband's family. We are going to care for the children while they go to the funeral tomorrow. To avoid early morning travel, it is best to spend the night. They will not even allow Tink to sleep in her crate in the laundry room. She has to stay in the garage, and I can't stand it. Am I being too sensitive. I'm open to other opinions. I'm probably just being emotional, but I had troubling dreams about this last night and even woke my hubby moaning. How would you all handle this, and have you had any similar problems. It is her house, but we are family and we have always supported each other in every thing. This is very unusual, and I don't want "a dog" coming between us. Thanks for letting me vent. Can you tell I'm really hurt.

LindaB

[Anna_525]

Hi LindaB, I would also not be able to sleep well if I had your problem. The thought of leaving the dog in the garage is disturbing. My father-in-law does not like dogs, too, and if we brought Alfie to his country home in CT, he would keep him tied outside away from his guests. Rather than push the issue, we just bring him to a kennel for the timebeing (although this suggestion might be too late for your current situation). Tink would need bordatella vaccination in addition to the regular shots for her to be accepted to a kennel. I would try calling some today, if that is an option you would consider. If so, you might have to visit the vet to complete her shots, if needed.

Luckily for us, we found one that is highly recommended by dog owners. Alfie actually likes to go there, and I have complete peace of mind compared to bringing him with us and leaving him outside. In addition, we don't talk about it at all anymore. Bringing it up just flares up many tempers.

Good luck!

[Guest mrskti]

I would probably board your baby too....then she wont be there and you wont be upset that she's in the garage. It will eleviate the stress between you and them. It's their house.....

[Scully'sMom]

Linda, my feelings would be really hurt as well. I'd have trouble, as well, knowing my dog was in the garage. I can understand that it's her house and she has her husband to have to contend with, but I guess I'm thinking he could "bend" the rules a bit here. After all...you ARE helping THEM out by coming there and babysitting.

It's a shame that the time is so close that you can't get Tink a bordatella vaccine and have him be in a happy place like a good kennel.

Wish I had a good answer for you. I'm sorry you're going through this.

[CathyAnn]

Linda...I am sorry to hear that you are struggling with this. Maybe the situation causes problems between your daughter and her husband?? It may be that they have had major disagreements and she may not want it to happen again.

Do they have a nice home? Maybe they are worried that Tink will chew or scratch their floors?? Or, perhaps her hubby had some type of bad experiences with a dog? Just some thoughts.....

Since, you have attempted to discuss it and your daughter refuses, I guess you just need to consider respecting their wishes and let it go.

However......I do have mixed feelings since you are doing THEM a favor by agreeing to drive all that way and take care of the grandkids.

Cathy

[wags]

Why not babysit the kids in YOUR house? Hey, look- it's not the dog's fault! The dog is YOUR kid.

[bradl]

To be honest, I'd just pout a bit and let it ride. I assume Tink would simply be sleeping in a crate in the garage and not left loose (I'd worry about getting into chemicals or loose items while unsupervised.) Being a wise guy I might ask for a cot to set up out there for myself to join Tink. (Not really, but I'd think it!) From a dog's point of view, a garage is likely just as interesting as a four-star hotel.

I'm crazy for our dogs and I expect people to accept me that way. On the other hand, I accept that others have different priorities and they don't have to share my enthusiasms. I too would not want a dog to come between us. I'd still probably mourn the changes from childhood to now but agree that your DD probably has an entirely different life and context now than when she was growing up with Oliver.

On preview, Sally's idea is good if it's feasible.

[kayharley]

That is such a sensitive situation and I agree it's probably causing some tiffs between your daughter and son-in-law. Is their garage a really horrible place? I would probably accept their decision and bring Tink along BUT I would definately do some things to make the garage as comfortable as possible.

Bring her crate, tons of toys, chew things, a heater if the garage has no heat and it's going to be chilly, maybe an ex-pen to put the crate in so Tink has some space. Maybe a radio to keep her company and I would spend as much time with her as I could. You didn't say how old your grandchildren were but if they're not real little, have them spend time with Fink too.

Bottom line is you have the right to feel hurt and I would too but remember that saying.....If you're given a lemon, make lemonade.

[wags]

The garage is just PART of it. It just doesn't feel right to me.

[sanford]

Dear LindaB,

It's not easy, when your feelings are hurt, to let it go and try to find a solution, especially when it comes to family dynamics. Your son-in-law sounds insensitive to me, but many non-dog people can be that way...They just don't get it, regardless of the extenuating circumstances. I'm glad you've been given such good advice & support here & would like to believe that has helped you.

Is the garage attached to the house? If so, perhaps you can consider keeping the inside access door open (if weather in Tennessee permits) and bring a baby gate. That way Tink wouldn't be isolated behind a closed door.

I hope it's some consolation to know that you'll have your grandkids to enjoy and distract you.

Please let us all know how it turns out!

[MikeC]

Linda,

I guess that I am being over zealous here, but being the adament dog lover that I am, I tend to avoid people who do not at least like dogs. I understand your situation and after all, your daughter is your flesh and blood. If I were you, to avoid any possible "situation", I would find a nice kennel for Tink and board her for the evening. I think that you will all rest a lot easier.

Mike

[Guest rottndobie]

That would really upset me too. After all, my dogs are my family as I am sure your's is too. One other thought - do you hve a close friend you could let Tink stay with overnight instead of taking her or boarding her?

[Marmielin]

You all are so undertanding and have given very good advice. Thank you. I knew you would be that way because we are all dog lovers. By the way, my son-in-law is a dog lover, but loves them OUTSIDE! And, only if they hunt! Anyway, here's the latest. My husband called my dd this morning and told her how hurt my feelings are. She called her husband and they agreed we could bring Tink and leave her in the crate in the laundry room. Since then, my dh has decided that to avoid any problems, he will stay home with Tink and I will go alone. I think they will get the message, without me having to say much. I'm still hurt, and mad, but what can I do. She is my daughter, and we do not want to have a big family blow-up over something like this. She and I have always been the very best of friends. We practically grew up together because I was rather young when she was born, and we were solemates. Well, that only lasted till she got married (as it should be). Gotta go. Will update you later. I'm at work and duty calls!

Lindab

[bubba]

I've been thinking about this all morning since I first read your post and finally figured out what I wanted to say.......it's basically the decision you came to yourself. For some reason, now that we have two dogs, our son in law does not like them at thier house anymore. I understand that they have two dogs of their own (big ones!), but our dogs all get along well. Then there is my younger daughter who has two stupid cocker spaniels (sorry for any liker of them), that are one and two years old, unhousebroken, and don't mind, that are allowed to go down there for a weekend!!! I just don't understand......

Anyway, when I go to Oregon, I leave both dogs at home, with my husband. We just don't go down there together anymore. I do find it amusing that instead of us having to put our dogs in a kennel while we are in Hawaii for three weeks (at a cost of $624!!!), they agreed to let our grandson watch them at their house for us, after I offered to pay him $300. They will be much happier there than a jail! (I know it's not a jail, but it's what got stuck in my head....they have never experienced anything like that before, and I was very apprehensive about sending them to one then.)

Even though you will be going alone and missing your husband and dog, I feel it is for the better. Maybe they will think differently the next time they ask you for a favor.

pat.

[Marmielin]

I have another minute to "vent". We have only stayed in their new home one other time over night, and we left Tink in the garage. It was summer, and they suggested the covered porch in her crate, but it was hot and they have terrible mosquitos at their home. So, we put her in the garage with a fan blowing on her. We got up the next morning and she was running around the garage happy as could be. She had gotten out of the crate sometime during the night. It seems someone had not closed it properly! We were headed to another location and put her in the car and realized she wasn't acting quite right. We stopped at an unknown veterinarian office and had her checked out. He could not find anything wrong with her, but we were worried she might have swallowed something that was lodged in her somewhere etc. He gave us an antibiotic just in case and told us to continue to watch her. The veterinarian was great, and it turned out fine, but just that one experience convinced me the garage is not the place for MY dog. One of these days this will not seem like such a big issue. There are far more important things going on in the world, and people have much more turmoil in their lives than I. Thanks for listening and contributing to the solution. It will work out I'm sure. My grandchildren, age 6 & 7, love Tink and so does my daughter - just at my house!!!

Lindab

[toomanypaws]

I'm coming in late on this and am glad to read that you somewhat solved the situation w/o ruining your relationship w/ your daughter. I have a sister I'm very close to who just built a new home a few hrs away. I have yet to see it because she refuses me bringing my youngest Cairn along. She's in the same situation as your dd, her dh was brought up that dogs should be outside. I'm glad it's working out that your dh can stay home w/ Tink. I agree w/ the ones who said that your grandkids should come to your house.

[Anna_525]

I'm glad it worked out, too!

In hindsight, If I were told to leave Alfie in a garage and if the garage is nice and clean with ample lighting then I guess it can be a place for the dog to stay. But if it's anything like our garage....forget about it!!!

[Scully'sMom]

Anna, you must have our garage! I've seen some fancy shmancy garages that you could let ME sleep in!

[Darcy's Folks]

Linda:

I'm really coming in late on this, but am also glad to see that you have solved the problem. I think you going on your own will most certainly send a message... (this coming from a 29 year old who got married 3 years ago and whose parents moved from Oklahoma to Colorado to be closer to us).

I have so many mixed feelings on this issue. I used to NOT be a dog person. I've always loved animals and giving love to dogs who pass by and to friends dogs, but I'm certain that before Darcy I would have NEVER let anyone bring a dog into my home. I just didn't want to worry about any messes in my "new" home, etc.

Now that I have Darcy, I couldn't give a crap less if someone needed to bring a dog to our house. And fortuntely, my mom (and dad who is not too crazy about dogs) allow Darcy to come over to their house anytime we go to see them for dinners, etc. And to boot, my dad has really fallen in love with Darcy... go figure!!! LOL

Anyway, I think we all have different priorities in our lives as time evolves and our thoughts change with different influences. It is best to let the topic die and not cause a struggle between your DD.

I hope you have a good time regardless of the situation. And of course knowing that Tink is safe at home with his "daddy".

[Guest mrskti]

It is funny how things change. I'm a quilter and have been very protective of my quilts and their care. Well the quilt I worked so much on that is on our bed, Buster my cat puked on it like three times, Hymie his brother had peed on it multiple times, he had renal failure and Dori peed on it.....and now i have a small quilt covering the ottoman and one in my chair where the dogs lay.....so you can see....things change!!! BTW, the quilt on the bed is holding up nicely!!! LOL And yes, i'll be making each of my babies their own quilt!! I've actually made quite a few puppy and kitty quilts for peoples pets.....just an extention of making baby quilts i guess!!!

[Anna_525]

Anna, you must have our garage! 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You mean you can't walk around in your garage either without bumping into something (like a box unopened from the time you moved into the house which was...let's say...decades ago?)

[czymom]

Maybe you could stay in a hotel in your daughters town and have the kids come hang with you all. I know my kids think it is a big treat to live it up in hotels.

Just a thought.

[CathyAnn]

Sounds like it will work out bringing him along with you. Bet your grandkids love it when Tink visits!!

Cathy

[TheScotts]

I think a married daughter's first obligation is now to her husband, not her mother's preferences. I would have suggested staying at a pet-friendly motel and perhaps put doggie in a doggie day care if I were busy during the day. I wouldnt DREAM of forcing my doggie lifestyle on anyone with different feelings about dogs. Plenty of people see dogs as just dogs, or only for hunting, and just do not want them in the house. This does not make them evil and heartless, just that they have different likes and dislikes. And it is no use feeling offended about their preferences.

For example, I hate cats in a house. I mean, I won't have a freakin' cat prowling around my house or a stinkin catbox in my house for one single minute. And I grew up with kitties in the house, and even owned a couple cats as an adult, and somewhere along the way, my preferences CHANGED. Now, I cant stand them in my house. I dont hate them, I think they are cute. I am happy for my firiends that love their house-kitties. But If a family member was traveling with their cat, I'm afraid it would either have to stay penned up in a utility room or boarded. I would expect my preferences to be respected by my guests with no hard feelings.

Remember, not all people see pets as "children" like we do

Oops, my babies are up to no good upstairs--must run-see!

[Brody'sMom]

I'm very late on this topic and I'm glad to see it was resolved. We have a very similar situation with my sister-in-law. We respect her wishes not to have the dogs in her house (the garage has been offered up), but she gets angry when we refuse invitations to her house. Until last week, we had only been to her house a few times since getting the dogs and had not spent the night. Sadly, my mother-in-law (mother of my husband and sister-in-law) died this past week and we needed to spend several nights at my sister-in-laws house. We were orginally staying at my mother-in-law's house, but an excessive amount of rain caused septic system problems and we ended up at my sister-in-law's house. She has a very nice vapor-lock (a sort of enclosed entry way- you close one door before you open the next so you don't let out the heat!) and she offered that the dogs could stay there, but since it was for several days and we did not have the time to spend with the dogs, we boarded them at a kennel nearby. I think for future one night visits the dogs will stay in the ex-pen in the vapor-lock and we will all be happy.