The Rules Of Life

[Scully'sMom]

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other

dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in

the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it

becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in

the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me

to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall

faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about

this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your

comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they

sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched

out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails

straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize

space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by

some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not

necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw

under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the

same door I entered. I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or

feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I

cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our

front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want hair on your clothes, stay off the

furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture .)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who

is short, hairy, walks on all fours, and does not speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they: eat less,

don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when

called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends,

don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions,

don't wear your clothes , don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and

if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

[savannahsmom35]

LOL LOL I am reading this from work and I think I may get fired! After all the laughing, they will most certainly know that I am not working right now!! This is SOOOO true!!!! I love the part about the bathroom!!!!

[oregoncoast71]

Although I am not a cairn owner (yet). We do have a pointer and three cats. They rule my house. I would like to add (especially for the cats). Humans are their doorman/servant. Mine like to sit by the silding glass door and stare at you until you open it. Then once you open it, they just look at you, not bothering to go out but they just sit there!

[Logansmom]

OMG....I am at "work" as well. What a mistake to open this right now. So funny. I actually had to get up and walk away for a moment so I could catch my breath. This is getting passed on to EVERYONE that I know

[Eliz222]

I'm laughing here too....all of it is sooo true!

I'd like to add that we HAVE a door bell, so it's not neccessary to "tell" us that someone is at the door...thank you! I am more than capable of drying myself with a towel after a shower/bath ...I don't need all your tongues licking the water off me.

[Darsey]

OMG I am ROFLMAO! Too funny! There should be something in there about poo not being a treat, appetizer, or breath mint! - Darsey

[Toto times 2]

My friends sent me that some time ago and I think I still laughed just as hard.

[Scully'sMom]

Our internet service at work is in a "cafe", which believe me is FAR from any cafe. But anyway, I was reading this and I just burst out with this HUGE laugh and everyone turned to look at me. I'm glad you all enjoyed it!

The bathroom part hit me as well. I also agree that I, too, know how to use a towel and can dry my own legs. We just spent $11,000 to completely renovate our bathroom and make it accessible and safe for my mom. She doesn't like it but Scully thinks it's a walk-in water bowl. First she cleans up the water in the door track and then we get INTO the shower and mop up the water.

[kayharley]

Thanks...that was great.

[jlr79]

That was a scream and so, so true!! I'm still laughing!!

Jan

[abe's dad]

that was too true.

[missemilysmom]

That was great!!