Toto Left Us Yesterday

[Toto-lee Cairn]

. . . with an immeasurable hole in my heart.  He was only 5 1/2, and had a great checkup this past Spring.

About a week ago, we took him to the vet, with symptoms of a cold -- coughing, sneezing, and reverse sneezing.  Seemed to late to be allergies, but he did like to wander through the leaves in our woods.  A week on antibiotics, and Toto appeared no better.  Second trip to the vet, another round of a stronger antibiotic, and lab tests like urinalysis revealed nothing.  Yesterday, he would not eat, was lethargic, and when I took him outdoors, he had difficulty walking (weak back legs) and shivered as if he were cold.  Looking back, I think he was in pain.  He spent the day at the vet's, and we got a call mid-afternoon.

Blood work, and Xrays revealed lymphoma.  Toto had several small tumors along his spine, a large tumor near his heart, and in the lymph nodes near his sinuses.  Chemo might have bought him several months, prednisone a few weeks.  I couldn't put him through either -- struck me as incredibly selfish on my part.

We took Axel with us.  I carried Toto's blanket with his good smell(s), a new tennis ball, and everything I had in my heart.

I know you understand, this hole in my heart, and my having the wind sucked-out of me.  Poor Axel has taken on the almost insurmountable task of being my 'best little pal in the world.' but even 85 lbs. of Weimaraner doesn't fill the gap. 

[bradl]

Utterly heartbreaking. Dogspeed Toto, our hearts are with your family who miss you dearly. 

[Dogcoat lady]

Oh, oh, we’re so sorry for loss of dear Toto. We send along hugs and will carry you in our hearts.

[Sam I Am]

Oh boy this is heartbreaking. I am so sorry . You had know way of knowing all was not well and you gave him the gift of no more pain….but of course for you the pain is immeasurable. Take care, we all understand and care deeply.

[Toto-lee Cairn]

Thank you for your condolences.  How well I know you understand.  The hardest part is that it was so sudden.  NO clue whatsoever -- thinking it was allergies, or a sinus infection, and of course praying it was not this respiratory illness claiming dogs.  I didn't see how he could possibly have been exposed as he stayed here with me at home, but George has carried the new Weimaraner, Axel, on long walks in woods and around a lake here in Durham.

Axel has tried his Weimaraner-est to console me, wanting to get on the bed at my feet -- Toto's spot -- and curling up next to me on the sofa (well, as much as an 85 lb. dog is capable of curling).  He hears me sobbing, and he comes trotting to be beside me.  Last night he whined, and we let him stay on his day bed in the bedroom with us, avoiding an empty crate next to his.  Tonight, he paces the house and goes to the front door where he and Toto stood guard against killer squirrels and vicious deer.  We took Axel with us when we had to tell Toto 'good-bye' but maybe he didn't understand, because it appears he is looking for him.

Losing your best little pal in the world is the worst part of having, and loving, your best little pal in the world.

 

[Toto-lee Cairn]

My third Toto came into my life on Christmas Eve.  My daughter contends that the covid virus that followed the next day was the previous Toto's 'revenge.'

Eerie how things happen.  This puppy was not mine, but had been promised to a woman in the area.  When her elderly father required more extensive care, the puppy became available.  He is absolutely delightful -- but then, I need not have to explain how he has forced us to heal.  And while I have been fighting covid, and the new Weimaraner has been grieving, this 'Toto' has been a blessing.

[Eliz222]

I'm so sorry to hear about Toto's passing, and at such a tender age. I know all too well (as all of us do too) the heart wrenching grief that grips up when we lose a sweet puppy. RIP sweet Toto.

 

I also want to congratulate you on your new bundle of joy. I have no doubt that Toto had something to do with this new puppy entering your home and heart.

[Otis’s Mom]

oh my goodness I’m so sorry for the loss of your precious baby. Otis is seven and just had his check up but like you I’m always looking to make sure he is OK. May you find peace and may your heart ache a little less each day. Praise God you have Axel.

Edited February 9 by Otis’s Mom

[Ste]

So sorry to hear about your losing a best friend.  I’m looking at a picture of my boy. I lost him two months ago and it was the most painful thing in my entire life.  i’ve had nine dogs over the years four of them fosters, but Theo was the special one. Let’s think about them being in the happiest spiritual place — you know,  all dogs go to heaven. I like to think they are there with us; happiest they’ve ever been.