Divorce and the fur baby

[Autumn & Lola]

Hi Everyone,

As some of you probably read back in July, my husband and I separated and he kept Molly. Technically, Molly is his dog (on paper). I did a LOT of soul-searching before I left, but I am convinced I did the right thing by not fighting for her. My soon-to-be ex, who will be staying in our house, takes excellent care of her. She has a huge yard to run in that is secured like Ft. Knox, and an enormous, beautiful park within 2 blocks that he takes her walking in nearly every night. Since I in a state of flux right now, it was not fair to drag her along. She is happy and secure in the house that she is used to. The only thing she is missing is my compaionship during the day, but he more than makes up for it at night and on the weekends. He is also looking into doggy daycare/play groups to take her a couple times a week. I wish I could visit her, but I am now living 1100 miles away.

The reason for my post is that I was laughing the other day thinking of my recent communications with my soon-to-be-ex. When we are discussing things pertaining to the divorce and distribution of property, there is a lot of yelling, snide remarks, a bit of cursing, etc. Then I'll say, "How's Molly?" and he says, "OH wonderful! She met a new friend at the park, I took her to the vet last week and she received a glowing report, and she's having a ball rolling in the leaves." I'll say, "Oh, that's great. By the way, what are we going to do about the cars?" Reply, " " "Okayyyyyy.....How's Molly eating?" "Oh she's doing very well. Loves her food, is at a perfect weight, etc." LOL! When we talk about Molly, it is all sweetness and light! He'll go on for 30 minutes about her latest activities, adventures and antics. I know that is a very good thing. Last week he put the phone up to her ear and said, "Say 'Hi' to Mommy! Mommy's on the phone!" (A big change from the name he usually calls me. LMAO!)

I am really glad he and I can discuss her so nicely. When I first left and asked about her he told me she couldn't care less that I had left, didn't miss me, didn't notice I was gone. I know he only did it to crush my feelings. So I am glad we can be friendly now where Molly is concerned.

I really MISS everyone on the board and posting here. I feel like an outsider now, but I always read the board and look at the photos. It helps to know that Molly is so loved and well taken care of, but it also helps me to live vicariously through everyone on the board. I really enjoy reading the posts and looking at everyone's new photos.

Take care everyone and give all your beautiful Cairns and other doggies a hug and kiss from me.

Autumn

[Sam I Am]

Autumn you need to get another Cairn!!! If not right away certainly in the future.... there is a little new Molly just waiting for a great home

AND you arent an outsider...you still love Cairns and as far as I am concerned that makes you very much a part of this group.

[janis]

Autum

Dito Dito Dito! I wish my ex and I could have talked about anything in a civil tone. No one can hurt you as much as someone you were in love with! You need to plan a new fur baby! Planning and anticipation are fun and it will give you someone to look forward to! Planning a new fur baby doesn't mean you don't love Molly anymore! Keep posting!

[bradl]

Any friend of Cairns is welcome here. A Cairn in your heart, mind, or memory confers lifetime qualification as far as I'm concerned.

[Sandi16]

I am going through a seperation/divorce, too Autumn, but I got the doggies. It actually breaks my heart when my ex comes by to see the kids and he's mean to Louie. He used to love Louie, and when Louie sees him, he goes bonkers. He usually ends up scratching the ex in his excitment, and I've seen ex kick out at him, and yell at him to leave him alone. It confuses Louie as he loved ex so much. I think ex doesn't like Louie because Louis has always been "my" dog and we got Cuddles they day he left, although he had met her. It was during his deployment we seperated so she doesn't know him.

[oscar's mom]

Hi Autumn,

So happy you and you ex can talk about Molly. I'm sure that puts your mind at ease, where she is concerned. I was so concerned when you had to leave her. I know it broke your heart. When your ready there are many Cairns out there looking for a great "mommy". They will never be Molly, but Molly was your first doggie love You knew get over your first.

Sandi,

So sorry to hear about your situation. Louie has you and the kids, that is the only thing that is important. Hopefully the ex will calm down someday soon.

[rallycairn]

You MUST NOT feel like an outsider! You are still and always a Cairn lover, and that's what counts! So glad Molly is one good (very good) thing you can still share!

Sandi, sorry your ex is mean to Louie. Talk about nasty Behavior.

[Idaho Cairns]

I agree with the other posters on the "outsider" comment. Of course you aren't an "outsider" even tho in your present place and time, you may feel like one but even if your divorce took your Cairn, it did not divorce you from this forum--surely you have valuable experience with Cairns that you can share with posters here. I'm glad you are hanging out with us and think you should continue to do so. Life is funny, you never know what is around the corner for you. No door closes that another blows open and we'd like to be around when old hinge swings.

I sure would enjoy and appreciate your Cairn comments from time to time.

[Hawkeye]

Autumn,

I also agree with the other responses. You have a lot of knowledge and experience with cairns that you can share with us and will always be welcome. Besides you definitely need another cairn in your future so we will be waiting for the announcements. In the meantime stay connected!!

Sandi,

So sorry to hear about your situation. Your ex sounds like he

[Dempsy's Mom]

I remember your heartbreak and I am so glad that you chimed in. Your story was just wretching. I am glad that Molly is doing well and is loved and being taken care of. I am glad that you have moved on and that you can rest easy when it comes to Molly being well cared for and loved. As long as you have loved a Cairn like you have you will never be an outsider. Best of luck. Please feel free to chime in anytime Autumn.

[Autumn & Lola]

Awwww, thanks everyone! It was so nice to read all your sweet comments. I do so love reading/hanging out here. Like I said, I am now living vicariously through all of you and your Cairns.

Someday in the future I'd love to have another one, that is for sure. Molly was my first Cairn (though not my first dog) and I just feel in love with her and the breed.

Sandi, I am sure sorry to hear about the ex's treatment of Louie. What a terrible way for a grown adult to behave.

Thanks again all for continuing to make me feel so welcome.

Autumn