In Memoriam - personal or public?

[bradl]

I've been thinking (mark your calendar) and realized that In Memoriam could work a couple of ways and the way I tend to think of it may not be the way others think of it. So this poll is to get a sense of how people feel it should be set up. I'm particularly interested in the feelings of those who have lost a companion. Do you want other people commenting on your memorial, or no? Does it help to have folks share their sympathy or related experiences, or would you prefer to let your memorial stand on its own?

I believe I can set the sub-forum up so that new topics (memorials) can be created, but not replied to, or I can leave it as it is (the same as any other forum). If you have a feeling one way or the other, please share it.

[tlwtheq]

Brad,

How thoughtful of you to ask. For me, it's fine to have other people reply should I have an "In Memorium" to post. Sometimes, it seems, it could be comforting.

That's my take.

Tara

[toomanypaws]

I too voted to let people comment on a memorial. I know that when I lost my Choc. Lab, Mousse 4 yrs ago, I found great comfort posting on a pet loss board. Having others share their sympathy and own losses w/ me helped in the healing process.

[Pepandfriend's mom]

My vote is to allow others to post on In Memoriam. I think people would like to say something in support when someone has recently lost a beloved pet or is remembering a really hard time. I would like to be able to say something if I could.

Pam

[kayharley]

Brad....you are the most sensitive administrator ever!!

[Scully'sMom]

Brad, I never would have even thought of this aspect and I appreciate you thinking of it. I believe in allowing others to post their comments. As the others stated, there is so much peace that you gain from someone else's input.

[pookiegirl]

Personally, I experienced great comfort in the kind responses of sympathy & support from Cairn forum members following my loss. Although, I frequently send a PM to a poster instead of posting a direct reply to the In Memoriam sub-forum.

Just a thought, perhaps the In Memoriam poster can make a request to you Brad that his/her memorial be locked if they would prefer a stand alone memorial.

I appreciate your sensitivity & empathy to bereaved posters.

Barbara

[bradl]

Just a thought, perhaps the In Memoriam poster can make a request to you Brad that his/her memorial be locked if they would prefer a stand alone memorial.

That is genius!

[Binx75075]

I wouldn't mind having others post when I put up a memoriam for when Frisky goes.... possibly this week.

[Darcy's Mom]

Brad, can I change my vote to have other people comment and offer sympathy? I didn't vote that way at first, not because I thought it was the wrong way to go, but because I thought a memoriam is more like the one's feelings and thoughts who have lost their pet. Now I realize I goofed and othe people should be able to comment and offer sympathy and encouragment.

[bradl]

I'll factor that in. Based on the responses so far I'll probably take pookiegirl's suggestion and add a note somewhere in that forum to let people know they can just ask me and I'll close their topic if they just want to post their remembrance and leave it at that.

[MikeC]

Thank you Brad for providing an option. For me, in the past, I found it a great source of comfort receiving thoughts and kind words from others who had been through what I was going through so I voted to let others comment.

Thanks again,

[Teri9672]

I voted for public responses.

Personally I cannot even bring myself to go into that forum. It just breaks my heart.

Tabitha turns 9 next month and I've already been thinking how hard it's going to be as she keps getting older.

I can't imagine my life without her

[Sandysmom]

From my own personal experience when I lost my Sandy last year it was such a comfort receiving thoughts and kind words from everyone on the Board. I would keep it the way that it is.

Bless you for this site, it is wonderful.

[pdaffodil]

I think responses are very important as there is one reason that we are on the form and that is for the love of our family member. And people that do not experience this love do not understand our loss. Some people do not understand how these members of our family are so important.

[Kathryn]

I would welcome responses from people here. I know that when I have lost dogs in the past, the people around me (not "dog people") were sometimes confused by my grief, and I think it helps to be among a group -- even on-line -- that understands what a great loss it is to lose a beloved dog.

[sanford]

I vote for enabling responses to memoriams. Many of us have come to know the lives of some of the Cairns on this site. I, for one would like to respond to a memorial post by offering my compassion & sympathy for the loss.

[pammyandpeanut]

i vote that other should be able to comfort you, i know it helps me. Maybe not everyone feels that way. But sharing there loss,or letting you know they care, and as we talk about are babys, they get to know them as well,and may feel the pain as well. But i do respect on how others feel, so maybe they could say no comment,just prayers and we would respect that...

pammy,rocky,peanut,nova,duncan

[bradl]

Thanks all for your participation. As suggested up-topic, a note was added some time ago to let posters know they may request their memorial be closed if they desire. Otherwise, the default was left the same as with other topics - open for replies.

I'm also moving this topic to Forum Support which is where I should have posted it in the first place.