What to do about neighbor's barking dog?

[Autumn & Lola]

As you all know, I am normally a happy-go-lucky gal and try not to let things bother me. But for the past two days I've been very snappish and annoyed.

 

The problem is our neighbor's dog. He has separation anxiety and barks incessantly when the owners are not home, which is often, as they both work (he full-time and she part-time).

 

Our homes are stuck together. Not sure what they call that here. I think is "semi-detached". So we can hear him quite clearly through the common wall. Normally we can block him out with the radio/TV, headphones, etc. However Nick and I are both pressed for time for work that needs to be completed before Christmas. Both of our jobs require a high level of concentration, some jobs more than others. At the moment, neither of us can use the normal distractions because we really need to concentrate.

 

The neighbors are well aware that their dog barks a lot, although the wife is in a bit of denial just how MUCH he barks. When we (or others) have tried to talk to them, the husband (who didn't really want the dog to begin with as he thinks the breed is far too big for their house/yard), threatens to rehome him, and then the wife gets very upset because she loves the dog.) The wife also has her own view of reality and often twists things that neighbors say and spreads gossip.

 

We live on a small street with a lot of neighbors, all of whom we are in good stead.  We don't want to cause grief, or call the police, but when I read a sentence 5x and still can't figure out what I'm reading, I get pissed. The lack of productivity affects our income of course. So this is a problem to which we must find a solution, preferably one that doesn't upset the neighbors or have them spreading nastiness about us to others.

 

Our subtle hints don't seem to be working. Even flat out telling them, "Yes, your dog barks incessantly when you are gone" hasn't resulted in any resolution.

 

All suggestions are welcome!

[Idaho Cairns]

This is one of the most persistent and common problems with owning dogs and I am always amazed with how willing some people are to let their dogs annoy others--I never dislike the dogs as much as I do the careless, inconsiderate humans that own them.  If you have spoken to them and if they have recognized that the problem exists and have done nothing to rectify the barking then it is time to seek a solution from the authorities.  Yes it may well be difficult for the dog and neighborly relations but your privacy and right to peace and quiet in your home is, in my opinion, primary to their right to own a pet.

I've turned in neighbors who were unresponsive to my requests before and it has resulted in some bad feelings but I really don't and can't take the blame--it is not my inaction and irresponsible behavior that has created the ill will--it is their problem.

You have made your case to them in a reasonable manner and they have ignored you and worse, your right to enjoy your home in peace.  Bring in the authorities.

[Tami]

In the meantime have you considered noise-canceling headphones that they market to airplane travelers? They would help in the short term so that you two could concentrate on your Christmas rush work.

[hheldorfer]

Are you on overall friendly terms with these neighbors or is the situation strained already, even without the barking problem?  I guess my approach would depend on your history with them, and only you know that.  Based on what you wrote, I'd be inclined to talk to the wife alone (if possible) because she's the one who apparently cares more about the dog.  Explain your situation and stress that you love dogs and are not suggesting that they rehome the dog, but mention that it may improve things if the dog got a break during the day when they are both working.

 

I sympathize with your situation.  For the first 5 years I lived in my current home - in a neighborhood where the houses are very close to each other - my neighbor had a Basset-Coonhound mix that was an incessant barker.  I mentioned it to them several times but they were completely clueless.  I was about to take the next step and make a complaint with the authorities when they announced their plans to move.  Happy day for me!

[Autumn & Lola]

Thanks all for your suggestions.

 

I wish we could use the noise-cancelling headphones but then we couldn't hear the phone ringing for business calls.

 

I've decided I don't want to stress them before Christmas (even though we're stressed!). They have one year old twins as well. However, right after I am going to talk to both of them.  I will offer all the suggestions posted here. Maybe something will work. Sometimes the grandmother or another relative comes over to walk the dog, but that is only when they are both out for a very long day, but as soon as she leaves, the barking starts again.

 

It doesn't help that we live on a fairly busy little street with lots of foot traffic. Lola does her share of barking, but it's usually short bursts. It's that on and on and on incessant barking that drives us bonkers!

 

Thanks again all. I shall report back after the holidays when I have the "come to Jesus meeting". (I've never been sure what exactly that means. )

[mom42terrificgirls]

I would suggest a Thundershirt for their dog or some of the ideas above as ways to help the dog with the anxiety instead of approaching it as it is annoying you. If the people know you truly care about their pooch's feelings, maybe they will do something about it.

[Tami]

Good luck with the after Christmas meeting! Hope it gets resolved to every one's satisfaction. Hmm, too bad about the headphones. Maybe you can tape up some blankets on the shared wall? It'll help to soften the noise a wee bit.

[Autumn & Lola]

Well, the "come to Jesus" meeting happened earlier than I expected.

 

Yesterday I took in THREE packages (which came from THREE different couriers) for our neighbors. So three times I had to stop working, grab Lola and put her behind a door, and answer the front door. I don't mind taking in packages for neighbors, but I remember last Christmas we took in about 10 for them, including two massive boxes that contained DJ equipment for her husband.  The courier and I struggled to get them in my door. (On a side note, she was dismayed that I later saw her husband in their driveway and asked him to get the packages as they were immense and we had to climb over them in our minuscule foyer to get to our living room all day long! The packages were for him and I spoiled the surprise. Um, how was I to know?? The utter nerve!)

 

So last night I went over to talk to them. I brought over a little gift for the babies and complimented their tree and made small talk. Then I got down to business about all the packages (I suggested they have them sent to her mother's house) and the dog barking. I expressed a lot of concern for the dog. It didn't go very well. My suggestions to curb the dog's anxiety were met with "that's mean" (the Thundershirt or medication), and "We can't afford that. We have two babies." (to the dog therapist suggestion). I didn't bring up that they got two large packages from Hermès, where a coin purse costs about $700.

 

The conversation drifted from barking and packages to the other things I do that might cut down on my productivity. She said she often sees me going to town to shop, playing with Lola in the yard, the fact that we go out to dinner once a week and that she noticed I had two new coats this year! (Both from a thrift store!). How nervy is that? She said, "Business can't be that bad."  I really, really had to bite my tongue. She also said, "Don't both of you just READ for a living?"  UM..... WHAT!!??  She also said that Nick was perfectly happy taking in their packages before I came here.  True, but that was only once in a while back then. She said it wasn't her fault that we were super busy before Christmas. So basically, she wanted to take none of the blame.   Every time I tried to steer the conversation back to the main point, she digressed.

 

I told her we were getting very off track and what I buy or do in my spare time wasn't the issue! (So I should give up dinners out and playing with my dog in order to have enough time to take in packages and make up for lost time by a barking dog??) I reiterated that her dog barks incessantly, and she takes advantage of the fact that we work from home for us to be her personal post office. Every time the doorbell rings I have to stop working and grab Lola. The doorbell ringing also riles Lola up, with all these people coming to the door.  I also told her that she was aware I am sick, and that I also get tired. (no reaction) I told her that we are also dog lovers and fear that their dog is extremely stressed and unhappy. I said we appreciated them as neighbors and thought we had been very good neighbors to them (letting them borrow tools, buying gifts for the babies, keeping an eye on their house when they go away, etc. I also gave her a gorgeous like-new suede coat that just never suited me.). She just refuses to take any responsibility. Her husband was quiet throughout it all, despite me looking at him several times to see his reactions.  She said other dogs in the neighborhood bark as well, including ours.

 

THEN, she starts crying. She's overwhelmed with the hubby, dog, work and the kids and I am picking on her.  I tried to sympathize, but she was making me  out to be this horrible monster. She said, "You don't even have kids so you have no idea what it's like!" (Really the wrong thing to say to me given my history, of which she is well-aware). 

 

Again I said the issue was the dog and the packages.  "Name, I realize you are overwhelmed and emotional and I didn't want to have this talk before Christmas. When you've calmed down, I'd love to speak with you again and help you figure out some solutions."

 

This is also the woman whose mother regularly parks in our driveway and insists she doesn't. It's her SUV, she gets out of it, but we must be seeing things. This neighbor also suspected that someone was poisoning her dog last fall and sent an inspector from the water company to the two houses on either side of her (including ours) to test the water, without our consent. He just showed up with a work order to inspect our water.  Like I said in my original post, her reality differs from everyone else's.

 

I did tell her that since it was only a week until Christmas, that I would still take in her holiday packages, but she MUST make other arrangements before next Christmas. I also told her that if the dog issue wasn't settled soon, that as much as I hated to, I'd have to call the authorities.  She said, "I'm starting to think it was YOU who tried to poison (my dog)!"  Well, that was the final straw.

 

I said, "Name, why don't you buy a muzzle?"

She sad, "I would never muzzle (my dog)!"

I said, "No, dear, for YOU."

 

My eyes may have been playing tricks on me, but I swear I saw her husband smile.

 

Oh my. Happy Christmas to me. I'm going to burn in hell.

 

I still haven't told Nick. He's not going to be pleased.

 

Sorry this is so long! I've been typing as the dog barks his fool head off. Figured I wouldn't get much done work-wise at the moment anyway!

[mom42terrificgirls]

I am so sorry this happened to you. Calling the authorities is a good idea before things get really out of hand. This happened when I was about five years old:

 

The neighbors' dog barked constantly all night outside my window. I couldn't sleep, and to this day can't sleep with barking dogs, even in the distance. Parents went over to neighbors to talk about it. My parents were verbally attacked and told to get off their property.

 

The top of their tree was overhanging on my window, causing a scraping noise, so that didn't help my sleep, either. My dad cut the branch off (on our side of the property) away from my window. Neighbor wife reached over our fence with a chainsaw and cut through my mother's hedges, leaving very little left. Neighbor husband came over with a shotgun screaming at my dad and waving the gun around for cutting off the branch. I watched the whole thing and remember it like it was yesterday.

 

Your neighbor has issues that can't be dealt with logically. For your safety, call the law next time. I hope you won't allow this mean woman to ruin your Christmas.    I think I would refuse any further packages for them. Next thing you know, she will be accusing you of opening them or breaking something.

[mom42terrificgirls]

what I meant to say before hitting "post" is I wouldn't have any more contact with the neighbors from now on. Nothing.

[shergry]

WOW!!!  Kuddos to you for coming back home with out a scratch.  Not sure they make a Thunder Shirt in adult size....but possibly they call them "straight jackets"? 

Some peeps just don't understand we mean "THIS" world not your made up one.  I don't know how I can help you....I live in an area that they have in their rules...PICK UP YOUR POOP....that is NOT happening!  So...I just try my best to keep my dogs away from sniffing poop (never know what they feed or if bugs-intestinal probs).  Owner only concerned about getting check every month!

(((hugs))) to you!!  You are such a brave, nice person trying to find a meeting point with neighbors.  So, only suggestion is that someone tire the dog out (called walks or even if dog can handle a jog) before leaving for work...leave a nylon bone for chewing, leave radio or tv on...preferably on a lower volume.

Prayers being sent your way.....may your health, peace of life be better in the coming year!!!

(ok, you can tell me how bad my writing is...I can take it!!     puhh...just a reader for a living...puhh!!!  )

[Hillscreek]

You tried. Refuse the packages and call the authorities.

[Autumn & Lola]

Thanks all for your support! I will reply more to this thread later, but I just had to make a correction.

 

They did not receive 2  large packages from Hermès, (the Parisian designer known for their luxury scarves), but rather Hermes, a small parcel delivery service in the UK.

 

LOL!

 

My apologies. I don't want to be misleading.

[hheldorfer]

I know this situation isn't funny for you but I laughed out loud at your suggestion of a muzzle for the wife.

 

You deserve a massage, a large piece of chocolate turtle cake and a glass of wine for talking to this woman as long as you did.  I think my head would have exploded 5 minutes into the conversation. 

[Idaho Cairns]

Focus!  It isn't about packages delivered, babies, where you eat, what you do, where Mother parks, or spoiled Christmases, it is about their inconsiderate refusal to acknowledge and correct an intolerable disturbance that is destroying your right to peacefully live and work in your own home.  That never gets a "pass" for any reason.  You should be outraged.

It is hard but never allow anyone to deflect an argument to tangential matters that don't mean a thing or address the problem--it is all gobbley gook that your neighbors (and you if you fall into the trap)are using to shunt the correctness of the claim--your right to enjoy your home.

Try this.

"Bark collars work--they are expensive but not as expensive as a lawsuit which is EXACTLY what you are going to get if this unbearable noise continues--'good fences do good neighbors make' (Frost), better start building a good fence neighbor!"

[Dempsy's Mom]

Oh Autumn.  That was quite a read.  God Bless you for being a good neighbor - and you still will be a good neighbor even though you may need an enforcer for your neighbors to respect you.  Sounds like she runs the roost and hubby just observes.  What am I saying, sounds like she observes plenty.   Wow - I am sorry but I don't have the time to notice people - if fact that's what I get blamed for - "Didn't you see me? No, I am sorry, usually I am zoned out trying to accomplish a task.  I don't even notice them none-the-less what they are wearing."  My flaw - oh well.  But I would say - NO to the packages and NO to the barking - to bad you're hooked together, but since you are some space is needed. 

 

Glad you got a reaction out of hubby with the"muzzle" comment.   and I agree it is amazing you returned home without a scratch.

[Autumn & Lola]

Hi all,

 

Well I'm still perturbed, but I've calmed down somewhat.  The hubby came over after work to speak to me today. He was very calm (as he always is) and we had a good chat. He wants to rehome the dog. I said I certainly didn't want it to come to that (but I know he didn't want the dog because of the fact that they are never home, etc.). He said it wasn't fair to the dog to be alone all day, and it wasn't fair to us. I agreed on both counts, but said that his wife would forever blame me. He said that I am not the first neighbor who has commented about the dog's incessant barking, but most people are far enough away that it doesn't annoy them all day (or they are also at work outside the home). 

 

I did apologize for my "muzzle" remark and he laughed. He said it wasn't the first time someone suggested similar to her in the past. OMG! He said, "She wasn't happy about that, but I told her you had a point because she wouldn't keep to the topic at hand, nor have a normal, sane conversation with you."  I still said I was sorry.

 

I told him I was worried now about taking in packages at all, because if she really thinks I would try to poison her dog, then what's to stop her from thinking I might steal or damage her packages (as someone on here said)?"  He said she really didn't believe I'd do anything to her dog, but in future they would have them sent to her mother's house, as they usually see the mother 1-2x a week.

 

I brought up bark collars, dog walkers/ doggie day care, citronella collars, etc., again and he said he'd think about these options and discuss them with his wife (and also explain that these things weren't "mean" to the dog), but he was fairly certain that the only real solution was to find a new home for the dog, one where the owners had more time for him. Again, I agreed.

 

For those that were surprised I came home without a scratch, I am from Philly (okay, some idyllic Philly suburb, but she doesn't know that. LOL!)  I also have 6 inches on her - height and width. Bwaa!  Of course Lola would defend me. We have that "Beware!" sign, remember.

 

Mom42terrificgirls - OMG what a nightmare. You truly had the neighbors from hell.  Nothing that serious here, thank goodness.

 

Thanks everyone for your comments and support. Hopefully this will die down a bit now, now that the hubby came to try to smooth things over and a plan definitely seems in motion.

 

Okay, back to work, even though it's 7 p.m. All is quiet. 

[mom42terrificgirls]

What is the status of this situation? I hope it's better!

[josie&holly]

I must have missed ths post in December Autumn!

In UK if you contact the local Concil Environmental Services and complain about the noise from a dog they will take up the matter and if theybfeel it is bad they will issue a warning to them. If that is ignored they will take them to court.