How soon is too soon?

[rockindj]

Jan and I both feel very lost since Rufus went to heaven. Our home and lives feel empty. My question is how soon is too soon to look for a new best friend? I don

[Dixieandme]

I'm so sorry about Rufus!!!!! My husband and I went through the same thing less than 2 months ago, our 10 year Daisy died from stomach cancer.....At first my husband said we're not getting another dog but we were sad and so lonely, he saw where I had been looking online for another Cairn so he said maybe I was right about getting another furbaby.............There are no breeder around us so I found one a few hours away with-in 2 weeks we went and picked up Dixie. This was the best decision we've ever made, we are so in love with our new baby. I think since it is just my husband and I we were extra lonely, we think of our Daisy everyday but Dixie has helped us not be so lonely. I forgot how much time it takes to train a puppy but it is so worth it......Hope this helps

[rtherapy60]

You have our deepest and most heartfelt sympathy. I was just thinking about you yesterday evening when I was looking on a shelter site. I'm not for sure what state it was in, but it was a wheaton, I think about 1-2yrs old that liked car rides, liked attention and from what I read sounded like a real great pal.

I thought about writting sooner about trying a new companion but didn't know if it was appropriate. In my opinion, it would at least help heal the hole in your hearts you are feeling now. I've lost a very close pet before and thought there would never be another animal that could fill her shoes and when my DH wanted to get a dog I put up a battle because I didn't want to get so attached to a pet again. I'm so glad he talked me into it now because even though Cooper and Jezabelle are completely different than my beloved Popcorn, they have brought thier own brand of happiness, laughter and love back into our lives. I never regret for a second now getting another pal (now pals) after the death of one of my best buddies

We wish you the best in life, and our prayers are with you

[bradl]

I suspect you're ready whenever you have room in your heart to welcome another life with all its ups and downs. I don't imagine that time is the same for everyone so who's to say what's appropriate? You, that's who. Best of luck in your search. It's clear your new pal will be much loved.

As a reminder for the helpful folks of Cairn Talk - any recommendation or referrals to specific breeders or specific dogs must take place by email or PM. Thanks!

[beccadiane374]

I don't think there's any set time, it varies from person to person, so~whenever you feel ready. I had to put down Angel, my 10 year old poodle, in July 2008, and, at the time, didn't think I could handle getting another dog because I didn't want to go through the grief again, but in August, a friend got a puppy that was exactly like Angel. Upon meeting him (they named him Texas), I realized how much I missed having a furry friend around, and in September, my sister & brother-in-law surprised me with Tanner. You obviously have a great deal of love to offer to these little heart-stealers, so if you're ready, I say go for it!

[Autumn & Lola]

Grief is so individual. I waited about 8 months after my wonderful Mandy died until we got Molly. If you feel you are ready, then you are. I'm sure whichever new best friend you choose, he/she will be very fortunate.

[jimnconnie]

Several years ago when our 13 yr. old Brittany, Lady, suddenly had a stroke and had to be put down, we were devestated and said "No more dogs!" We thought it would be nice to have no more dog hair everywhere, no yellow spots or holes in the lawn, and no more responsibility for a dog. After a few months all that stuff didn't seem really that bad, plus it was awfully quiet around here with no kids and no pets. Then we watched Westminster again and that pushed us to look for another dog. We researched and decided to get a Cairn, and were lucky, in 2004, to find an 8 month old, who was still with the breeder, and was potty trained. Bailey turned out to be the perfect dog for us, and in

2007 we got Sophie, then 1 yr. old, from the same breeder. I think it would be great for you to start looking now and, like with Rufus, when you see the right dog you'll know. Colonel Potter Cairn Rescue, Petfinders, local rescues & animal shelters are all possibilities. You could also check with breeders to see if they might have an adult Cairn that needs to be re-homed. Most Cairn breeders will take back their dogs when an owner can no longer keep it for any reason. I wish you good luck & success in your search for a new best friend, and he wll be a very lucky dog indeed!

Jim

[Jetti]

Hi Darell and Jan,

I have been thinking about you every day and praying too. I am so glad you are thinking about a new

buddy it

[TazTalk]

We lost Bandit last Sept. and had talked about waiting until the holidays to get another dog. We thought we needed some time to grieve. Well, Gypsy, our 13 year old Cairn seemed very lonely, and we felt a terrible hole in our hearts without Bandit running around. So, 3 weeks after Bandit was gone, my DH saw an ad in the paper for Cairn pups and said "let's just go look!". They are fairly hard to find around here, so off we went. Well, for us at least, it's impossible to look without touching and taking So, little Taz came home with us that day. I woke up the next morning and exclaimed, oh my... we have a PUPPY! I forgot about the work and commitment involved with a 9 week old! We both work and no kids at home to help this time, so we had our challenges. But, he has been a joy and we love him as much as we did Bandit. He'll do things at times that totally remind us of Bandit and that really makes us smile. We call it reincarnation. And there's a big part of his personality that is definitely unique to him. We would have also adopted an adult (initially our preference), but there's something to be said for being able to assist in the creation a dog's personality from the puppy stage. Follow your heart. If it feels right, JUST DO IT!

[Xonk]

You have been in my thoughts and prayers frequently over the past week. It's nice to see that you are contemplating another dog - you have so much love to give.

Somewhere out there is a very lucky Cairn! Now it's just a matter of tracking that fella down!

Wishing you all the best in your search!

[Idaho Cairns]

We have lost two Cairns--one was 18 years old. For me, taking on a new dog is a great way to get past the grief. In both cases, we had a Cairn puppy in the house within two to four months and in both those cases there was another adult Cairn in the house--we like our dogs in pairs.

I never have the expectation that the new dog is a replication of the old one and they really haven't been other than the character traits that all Cairns seem to share.

You just need to do a gut check concerning bringing another dog in the home--some folks need a longer time to decide whether they want to take on another dog, particularly if the dog that passed was having prolonged medical problems. Our old dogs required so much of our attention for so long that we actually didn't know what to do with ourselves when they were gone--they had slowly taken more and more time to care for as their illnesses progressed. Caring for a puppy was a piece of cake compared to what we had been experiencing.

You are in a difficult situation--it is so very hard to lose a beloved pet--it literally tears pieces of the human heart apart with the "what ifs" and the longing. What works for some of us doesn't for others.

We like the dogs so much and they are truly so entertaining for us that not having them is simply unthinkable.

You'll make the proper decision once the hurt eases.

[Aurora5000]

Rufus carried that torch for a long time and soon one of his brothers or sisters will pick up that light in your heart.

[Judly]

sorry about rufus. RIP.

personally i don't think it can be too soon to give a loving home to a pet. you are most certainly not replacing your little man but looking after another who needs you.

when reggie died i left it years (as i was at uni then) but always pined for anotehr cairn. i still love reggie as much as i ever did and still have photos of him about but he'd be plsd i was looking after some of his 'brothers'.

if you feel you are ready then i say 'go for it'.

thinking of you!

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[Cairnmania]

When Moxie (a Yorkie) died I thought I would not get another dog. I wanted the "freedom", but my home was empty without the patter of four muddy paws and intermittent barking.

Moxie was a real pain in the posterior when a puppy, difficult to train, and there was such a contrast between her and my German Shepherd I wondered if they could be members of the same species. But that passed ... and Moxie saw me through some of the most difficult times of my life. She made the move with me from New England to the original, old England .. and became my new husband's best pal. To say I adored her is an understatement. So I really, really worried that I would compare any new dog with her and that I would be unhappy. However, that is not how it has turned out. Each dog has their own, unique personality and I adore them for it.

So, Moxie died in August and Abby arrived in early December. I thought it was "too early" ... but realized that any time would be "too early" .... and never regretted my decision.

[tlwtheq]

Like others here on the Forum I have never been reluctant to the challenges

of adopting a new Cairn, puppy or rescue. We all know the potentially

painful times ahead, but the way these little beasties fill our hearts

keeps us coming back for more. I wouldn't set any limits on the

amount of time you wait. When the time comes to adopt, you will know.

Again, I wish to express my deepest sympathy on the lost of your

Cairn child Rufus. I read the article you posted and found it

delightful.

Please keep in touch with us and tell us when you've

made a decision.

Tara, Eternal Mom of Cairns

[Judly]

hi,

thinking of you still.

how are you coping?

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[avlsarah]

This is a question I recently had to answer for myself, and it is so hard to consider. On the one hand, I had a feeling of guilt - that other people would see my getting a new pup so soon a sign that I hadn't cared about my Pete (a 16-year-old Lhasa who was put to sleep exactly one month ago today) or, even worse, I myself believed this. I felt that there was an acceptable time period that we must wait to properly assess whether we had room in our hearts and lives for a new family member. That I must spend an alloted amount of time grieving and mourning to be able to properly move on.

But, for all my thinking, every consideration that passed through my brain was wrong. There is no "right" or "wrong," there only is. The only person who can determine what is best for you and your family IS you and your family. If your heart says it is time, then perhaps it is.

I found the thought of a new addition to be one small bit of happiness in a sea of heartbreaking ideas. My Pete went downhill very fast and, while I knew our decision to put him to sleep was the most reasonable and caring option, it didn't come easy. When I began to see Pete was unwell, the easiest way for me to cope was to begin considering whether I would look for a new friend. When I was able to answer yes, several weeks before Pete passed, I contacted kennels and shelters looking for available pups. I heard back from one kennel only days after my Pete had left us. It seemed that getting a new pup so soon was disrespectful, but I realized that Pete would not want to see us sad for his passing and would not be mad at us for considering to look at another dog. Waiting, I understood, would do nothing except satisfy what I felt other people wanted - not what I wanted or what would make me feel better. Two weeks later, I picked up Maxwell. It has been the greatest decision and I really lucked out to have such a wonderful little boy.

My thoughts are with you because I know this is not an easy process or decision. May you have the greatest of luck in whichever path you choose!

[rockindj]

Thank you for all the nice responses, thoughts, and prayers. How I am coping is a good question. I am a mature man that has experienced death many times. I have seen members of my unit not go home to their loved ones. I have buried family, friends, and coworkers. I deal with stress and other people

[sheila and Misty]

sorry you feel so sad...as to your question..you will instinctively know! I said I was going to wait for three months and visit relatives in Arizona before I got another one....guess what? I never went to Arizona...1month went by we said enough is enough-we found Misty which immmediately helped with our grieving and getting through family health issues.. then of course Toby weasled his way into our hearts too! How wonderfull it was to hear the pitter patter of paws again. I was deeply saddened by the loss of 4 dogs total one loss was NEVER easier than the other and many other little pets so far but it sure is easy to find room for one more we have future plans when Misty &Toby hit the 7-8years of age to adopt a male and female of the same litter . the older pups can hang out and the two young pups can drive each other nuts. (of course this is dependening on the health of the ones we have now and our familys health and our $ situation at that time) One thing the more you allow into your heart the bigger your greeting will be in death/life. were going to have a stampede like I said -believe me you will know when the sadness and the emptiness has to go.

[Cairnmania]

I cried every night for months after Moxie died. And although it will be five years in August since she died I still cry when I remember how much I cared for her and how much of her life was a part of mine.

The truth is that Moxie's death was a bigger blow to me than the death of my mother - and that's not because I did not love my mother, I did. Somehow we are better prepared when adult people die than when our pets die, perhaps because for us even though they may have lived long in "dog years" - in "people years" it always seems too short and too cruel for them to be taken away so soon.

"I have sometimes thought of the final cause of dogs having such short lives and I am quite satisfied it is in compassion to the human race; for if we suffer so much in losing a dog after an acquaintance of ten or twelve years, what would it be if they were to live double that time? "

Sir Walter Scott

I'm glad you are looking at rescues or thinking about another dog, because that's one of the most special things about dogs. That as much as it grieves us when they die their lives have been such a gift to us that they make sure we honour their legacy by opening our homes and hearts to another. :-)