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Dear Sweet Little Cairns


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I did not write this, it was sent to me. But, I know how the author feels!

Dear Dogs,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are

Mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my

Plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do

I find that aesthetically pleasing in the


The stairway was not designed by

NASCAR and is

Not a racetrack. Beating me to the

Bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than

You can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a

King sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue

Sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl up

In a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each

Other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking

Tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize

Space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time,

There is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you

There and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, bark,

Try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door

Open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the

Bathroom for years-canine

Attendance is not


The proper order is kiss me, then go

Smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this


To pacify you , my dear pets, I have

Posted the following message on our front


Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like

To Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here.

You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on

Your clothes, stay off the furniture.(That's why they call it


3. I like my pets a lot better than

Most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me,

He/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and

Doesn't speak clearly. Dogs are better than kids .they eat less, don't

Ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never

Drive your car,

Don't hang out with drug-using

Friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest

Fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for

College - and if they get pregnant, you can sell the


Sincerely, your upright owner

Our Fudgie...........every day........after a walk!


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Just read the great letter, thanks. Could I also add that we get to buy the ones we want to keep. DH wants to know if a dog has to pay taxes on the 12 million that was left to the dog in a will? LOL

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Awesome letter! I took the liberty of making a few alterations to fit our situation and I'm going to frame it and hang it by the front door!

Jim, Connie, Bailey & Sophie


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