How Do You Know When It is "Time"

[Kate]

I apologize if I put this in the wrong place on your forum.  My Mila, as I have posted some, but not often over the last 12 years is failing.  She has severe arthritis and one hind leg gave up on her a few months ago (ACL?).  Then the vet suspected Cushings.  Now her other rear leg has gone lame also.  She does get around but not very well.   She is taking Sam e for elevated liver enzymes, Glide for her joints and I have a pain med for her.   Each day I can see her failing. I have to carry her outside to potty and all she does is lay down.  FINALLY this afternoon she went both #1 and #2 after 24 hours.  Small amount of blood in her stool.  She has no quality of life; she used to love to run and chase her ball, go "hunting" for moles and follow me everywhere.  Now for the last 2 months all she does is lay around.  She is still eating and drinking but that is about it.  I have a call in to my Vet and waiting on a call back as it just the last 24 hours that she has had the potty problems.  Each day seems like it is something new and I don't want to give up on her but I don't want her to suffer for my selfishness.

Thanks.

 

[tlwtheq]

Let me preface my statements by saying I've had to make this decision for two out of my three beloved Cairn family members very

recently, Olie on 12/31/2015, and Sweet Pea on 03/22/2016.  Actually, I only made the choice for Olie.   (Sweet Pea died peacefully

at home in her "sleep".  She just couldn't hold on.)  I've also made this choice for Holdsworth, 12/06/2000, and Shadow 03/28/2002.  Them lying around was never a reason for me

to make "the decision", nor lack of interest in things that used to be important and fun, not arthritis, or sarcoma.  It was when they were obviously struggling to live

and all joy was lost.  Things like puking up constantly, losing weight, having regular seizures that were too hard for them to bear...those

were decision making moments.  It almost killed me every time.  For sure, I've lost a piece of my heart every time.  Someday, there may be

none left as I have had and lost so many nonhuman family members.  They've always been true...unlike some others.

Just "listen" to your baby very carefully, i.e., with your observations and your heart.  You love her, and attention to those aspects will

make your way clear.

Love,

Tara, Proud Mom of Holdsworth, Shadow, Olie, Sweet Pea, and my sweet (and still present) Teddy Bear.

[Lupinegirl]

I had to make that decision when I was teenager with my family's previous dog.  This is a very difficult post to write and it won't be any easier reading it so I'll see if the forum will let me put in spoiler code. 

Spoiler

Our Siberian husky had golf ball sized lumps on his head that would burst and spew blood everywhere. The poor dog even got blood on the ceiling from shaking his head. His back was scaled and scabby, and he had arthritis in his back legs.  But he still had a twinkle in his eye and he was still alert for about six months after those awful things on his head grew. My parents and I did what we could to keep him comfortable but one day when I was home alone with him, Nrandy asked to go out and his back legs gave out on him. He could not stand.  His eyes were dull and he was not interested in anything to eat or drink.  He just hurt. Since he was seventy pounds and way too big for teenage me to lift, I put him on a large flattened cardboard box to drag him out of the sun and into the garage to wait for my parents to get home. I called both of them in tears and said "Brandy's in the garage. I can't get him inside. He won't eat or drink. He's given up. I think it's time."  When we got him to the vet, he said that he could not let us take Brandy home like that. Our boy was in too much misery and there w nothing more any one could do to help him. I saw a shooting star in the sky that night as we let the vet's, alone.  I regret waiting so long and making him suffer so much more thanI regret having to make that decision for him.  I know we did everything we could to keep Brandy going, and we all had agreed that, as long as he still enjoyed life and wasn't suffering, we would take care of whatever troubles he had along the way. 

Reading your post, I'm wondering if Mila word perk up if she had a doggie wheelchair to make her mobile again? She might be able to live a good life if she doesn't have any other health problems keeping her down? 

Edited June 2, 2016 by bradl
applied spoiler formatting

[Sam I Am]

If there is no quality left in living a pain free  life, with little joy in every new day,  the question you have to ask yourself, "am I keeping this beloved animal alive for me only".  If there is no return from this condition but a continues down hill spiral of quality, then for me that's the answer. It's heartbreaking to take that final journey to the vet, but one of the kindest gifts you can give a suffering animal.

[hheldorfer]

Terrier lover (above) echoes my thoughts perfectly.  When the life and light goes out of a dog's eyes, you know it's time.  

[tlwtheq]

Precisely what I was trying (ineptly) to say.

[tlwtheq]

I should clarify what I meant by "joy".  Even when Holdsworth was deaf and just lolling about, he would always "show up for dinner...happily and with vigor". When that wasn't happening anymore (showing up with vigor) and his larynx was frozen open, that was a definitive point.  God bless.  I still love my baby so much...he was one of the purest souls I've ever known.

 

[Dempsy's Mom]

Hi Kate.  It sounds like Mila has been a very good friend for many years.  So sorry to hear of her failing.  We were all touched by the memorial video that was done for Buddy a couple of weeks ago.  You may find it comforting.  It is in the Memoriam section under Cairn Life and is entitled: Goodbye to my dearest friend Buddy.  Thoughts are with you and little Mila. 

[remltr]

I think we all want to know a definitive answer to this question, even if one has been through the process before. I have only been through it once and dread having to do it ever again, but know I will have to.

The only thing I can say from my experience is that when you feel the quality of life is less than the discomfort it is time to really start paying attention to how quickly quality is losing the battle. Don't let it drag on too long. It will become a battle between not wanting to let go and knowing you have to. I hope you can come to a decision that works for you.

[sunvalleylaw]

Tough one.  Have been through it as many here have.  Not with cairns but with my other dogs.  All I can say is to ask yourself, based on the best information you can get from your vet, etc., "Is holding on more for or about me, or is it for or about my pet?"  If it is for you, you know the answer is the best way to love them is to let them go.  Best to you during this trying time.  

[josie&holly]

I had to make this decision for Holly last October....  the vet said to me when she has more bad days than good days it is time before she has all bad days........ it is a very very hard decision to make but one you must do at some point....

[Autumn & Lola]

I had to make this decision only once, and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, and the kindest. A lot of negative things were going on at the time and in retrospect, I think I keep my Mandy around a few months longer than I should have, for my own comfort. When I called the vet to arrange it, he simply said, "Okay".  He knew it was time before I did, or before I wanted to admit it. She had no quality of life that last month. Now I can smile when I think of my little angel, and know I did the right thing. Her tag still hangs on my key ring, eight years later.

My best to you. I know it's such a heart-breaking decision.

Edited June 2, 2016 by Autumn & Lola

[Hillscreek]

Like many I know that tough decision and agree that when bad days are more than good days, and your dog speaks to you with his or eyes, then it's time to love and let go. It's not about us it's about them.

Your cairn family supports you.

 

[Malcolm's Dad]

My last dog Max lived to 17 years. He slowed down in the last year of his life. One night while letting him in the yard to go he lost use of his back legs. I carried him in. The next two weeks I carried him in and out. He didn't seem to be in any pain, just couldn't walk. When I picked him up I would get a kiss like he was saying thank you dad. Then one night he wouldn't eat or drink. I thought ok time to go to the vet. I stayed up to watch him that night. He passed away in the morning. At least he wasn't suffering.

All I can say is prolong life yes, prolong suffering no.

[pkcrossley]

i don't know whether i'm saying the same thing as everybody else or something a little different. i have made the decision (whether yes or no) for many cats and dogs over the years. what we really all hope for is a situation like Malcolm's Dad's Max, a peaceful death in a loving home after a long and happy life. in general i try not to impose upon the animals my concept of what is or is not "quality" of life. i wouldn't want anybody to do that for me. in the wild, animals who are injured, sick or even dying will do everything they can to look strong. because they want to live. their own behavior says that they take a joy in surviving that we may not understand very well. they say they want to live when they take an interest in things around them, snuggle against a loved one, and eat. but when they stop eating --not for a day but a series of days-- they are saying that it is time to go, and they may be perfectly capable of handling that, too, on their own.

the hard thing is an animal that is totally incapacitated but alert, eating and hooked into life. i had to put down an elderly cat who was doing fine in all ways but suffered a spinal cord injury that made it impossible for her to walk or relieve herself. surgery was an option but the chances of success were under 40% and the recovery period (during which we would not know whether the surgery had worked or not) would have been 18 months, which would probably stretch beyond her natural life span anyway. that was an extremely hard decision, and today i am not sure i was right to put her down, because since then i have met quite a few cats living with that disability, but with no pain. at the time i just didn't know what the possibilities were. on another occasion i had to have my beloved dog put to sleep because he was slowly failing in the aftermath of a stroke and could not control his body temperature or autonomic functions. he was conscious and not in apparent pain, but there was nowhere for us to go from there, so we did it. i am blessed that in many instances my animals have died peacefully at home.

knowing as much as i do today about how much animals value survival, how cheerful and casual they can be about making all kinds of adjustments that are painful to us to contemplate, and how incompetent i am to judge the quality or meaning of anybody else's life, i am more uncertain today about decisions to put some of my animals to sleep than i was at the time. suffering is unacceptable to all of us, but to animals it is very unclear what suffering is; an animal truly suffering will not eat, and thereby vote for ending it. in some instances, we may be forced to make the decision even when true suffering is not part of the picture, as a general welfare calculation that we feel obliged to make for our voiceless friends. this is very personal and is just between you and your pet. you will probably never be totally certain you did the right thing, either way, but that is unavoidable with a decision like this. you will always second-guess yourself, we can only advise to go easy on yourself and know you did what you honestly believed was the best and most loving thing. 

[hheldorfer]

I think we're all saying the same thing, albeit from different perspectives; from our personal experience, having had to make this very difficult decision.  

My last pre-Cairn dog was Ripley, a feisty terrier-chihuahua mix with whom I had bonded deeply and permanently.  In her 13th-14th year she began having spine problems and later developed pancreatitis and dementia.  Walks got shorter, accidents happened; she couldn't seem to get comfortable regardless of what we did for her.  One evening she was lying in my lap.  She slowly got up, turned to face me and stared into my eyes.  I said "What is it, Ripley?".  I saw that her eyes were filled with pain and confusion - not  unlike my own father's eyes shortly before he passed away.  It was a sad, pleading look.    I asked her, "Is it time?".  She may not have spoken but her answer was as clear as a bell.  

We made the vet appointment  for the following Saturday, giving ourselves one last week together.  During that week Ripley was showered with attention, taken to her favorite places, and given special meals every night.  Saturday came and we took her to the vet.  She had always been edgy and fearful in the vet's waiting room but this time she seemed not to mind.  After saying our goodbyes, the vet gave her an initial injection of a sedative.  She passed away almost immediately, not even needing the second injection.  He said "I think she was ready to go."   

I am crying buckets as I write this but I also know it was the right thing to do.  My girl had lived a long and happy life and, thankfully, I was able to grant her a peaceful exit.

[Sam I Am]

Just reading all the answers makes my heart break all over again on losing my Jock. But again I truly believe they let you know when they have had enough of this life and are ready to break their earthly bonds.  In Jocks case he never stopped eating (typical terrier) but he was in a lot of pain, stopped urinating that day and the vet said if we had not come in that day  he would start having seizures. It was time. I just hope I get the same consideration when my time comes.

[Idaho Cairns]

Kate, you "know".   If Mila's physical condition is as described, if her behavior is as described, you know and your instincts are absolutely correct, how long does the human  hold on and let a beloved pet suffer?  Your inquiry is too personal tho--we all see, read, interpret differently and there are no guidelines--the decision is simply part and parcel of being a responsible pet owner.
I can tell you this, while I have never chosen for my pet too early, I know of two instances where I waited far too long, frozen by my love for the dog and have felt decades of  personal shame for putting my wonderful companion thru all the pain, confusion, and fear that they had to endure before their end came.
If you sense that relieving Mila of her pain is the right thing, if recovery is impossible, then, for Mila's sake, act in her behalf.

[Sam I Am]

So well said Chuck. These Cairns are tough and in my experience don't show many symptoms till they are in the final stages of their illness. In Jocks case the x-rays told the story...the vet was amazed he could even walk as the tumour had almost eaten right through his sternum. 

Kate I just want to give you a big hug because most of us on this site have and for sure will experience the absolute deep hearted sadness that goes with the job of ending suffering.  Don't feel guilty . I did, but looking back it really is an honour to be there with them when they need you the most.

Edited June 2, 2016 by Terrier lover

[kjwarnold]

Boy, this is a tough one for us right now.  We've been through this with our first Cairn, Willie.  At 16, he had numerous issues and we were constantly at the vet.  One night, I had a dream where all my grandparents were together in my grandma & grandpa's kitchen (I can picture them clearly) and they were all telling me, "You know, Jandy, that we'll take care of him."  They were all saying it so clearly and almost scolding me for not realizing it sooner.  That morning, Willie wouldn't get up out of his basket and gave us the "look" that told us he was ready to go.  It was so hard but as everyone has said, you just know when it's time.  

Packy was just a puppy then, 11 years ago.  He comforted us then and has been my constant companion during all my illnesses, besides being the best swimmer and fisherman on the lake.  Now we're facing something similar with him.  Diagnosed with cancer, his prognosis is about 3 months.  I trust that my grandparents will again let me know they're waiting to take care of him and that he'll let us know when it's time.

So my point is, your dog will probably also give you the "look," letting you know when it's time.  You just need to be able to recognize it, whether it's through careful consideration of quality of life or some other signal (like my grandparents).

As I'm sitting here typing, Packy is on my lap for our usual morning coffee time.  He looked up at me and said, "Mom, can I go fishing today?"  You bet, Packy, you bet...

[Dempsy's Mom]

Can he?   Is he able to go fishing today?  ..... Wish we were all there to watch the "Greatest Cairn Fisherman" ever.

[kjwarnold]

Yes, when the vet took out his stitches on Tuesday, she said he's fine to go fishing.  We won't let him swim out very far anymore, I'm afraid something will happen and he won't be able to swim back.  He's really fine right now and capable of swimming as usual but I'm being overprotective; he'll be okay with it.  I wish the lake water temp would warm up so I can go in with him.  At 70* water temp, I'm hesitant to get in, although the tourists are doing it.

Lets hope the weather clears up today.  He doesn't mind swimming in the lake but I'd rather not stand out there in it.

[Kathryn]

So glad to hear that Packy is going fishing...

And Kate, my heart goes out to you.

[Kate]

Hi All, first of all thank all of you for your responses.  It has been 14 days since my last post.  Mila is still with us; however a trip to the vet today was absolutely heartbreaking.  The vet said that she can't believe how Mila has went down hill since her last visit and there is nothing else to do other than give her a pain med.  The paid med is Gabapentin and the vet does say she hasn't had a lot of luck with it.

Let me say that Mila has changed shape in her hips and her tail is tucked way between her legs.  The vet said that the atrophy in the muscles in her hind quarters are something that she usually sees in big dogs. Mila is still happy to see you and anyone else that walks in the room but she just can't get around very good  These dogs are so tough I can't believe it.  She can get down the steps but can't even try to get up even one step.  She just sits there and waits.  Love her so much but I still don't think it is time and hubby definitely says it isn't time.  I guess it is one day at a time and believe me she is getting lots of love and treats!!! 

Thanks to all of you for "listening".

Kate

[Dempsy's Mom]

Feel your pain.  Give Mila a gentle stroke from us here in South Dakota.  She is such a wonderful part of your family.