A whole year

[Sam I Am]

Tomorrow September 4th, marks a full year my sweet boy left us.i couldn't sleep at all last night and when the morning came today and I looked over to see Jocks urn and collar, I realized how much the date somewhere in my foggy brain was recognizing the sad anniversary day to come.

I still haven't got another Cairn because in my heart Jock can't be replaced. I still tear up when on occasion I see a Cairn. Memories of so many wonderful times keep on popping up which I am grateful for because the dark day when he was euthanized is still branded in my heart. When the light and life left his beautiful eyes I think something in me left with him.

He was the most courage dog I have ever had the pleasure to be a partner with. Nothing frightened him except thunder...but I get that....its unseen. He never left my side except in the end when for a week before he died , during the day he would seek out dark places as I am sure the pain was to much to bare and he knew he was dying. At night he still insisted on being on my bed, even though I had to carry him up the stairs and unto the bed. The day we took him to our vet he was totally calm...even when they put the line in his leg and I held him close, he relaxed into me. It was over so fast. He was no longer in pain. I thought my heart had been torn out.

Here is to you Jockie...May your spirit live on and protect every one that has crossed the rainbow bridge.

Edited September 4, 2014 by Terrier lover

[Malcolm's Dad]

That dark day really did take a piece of you. The only thing I can offer is the story of my last dog Max. He was a rascally, mischievous, lovable dog. He lived 17 years that gave me joy and frustration. When he passed on I thought the same thing, there would never be another dog like Max he was just plain unique like no other dog I had. Then along comes Malcolm. Malcolm is like Max on steroids. Malcolm is super rascally, super mischievous, brings me joy and 10 times the frustration. There will never be another dog like Jock you are right he can't be replaced. Just like there will never be another dog like Max. There can be a new dog that will bring you a different experience. An experience that is just as wonderful and just as loving. That is what happened with me.

It might happen to you unexpectedly. One day you could come across a Cairn that you weren't even looking for. Your heart will tell you if it's time for another dog. Sometimes gut feelings are the ones to go with.

Hope Rosie is snuggling with you tonight. Hugs from our home.

[Pepper Bug's Mom]

Breaks my heart reading your post....thinking of your pain. 

[pkcrossley]

 

i wish i could tell you that it gets better as you approach two years but i don't think it will be. it is just there, but alongside a whole lot of good. he isn't gone, you know he is right there, and grateful for your comfort to the end. 

[shergry]

He is watching over you...waiting for the day you once again get to play and snuggle together.  Many hugs and prayers going your way!!

[Islander]

One year isn't a really long time in the land of grieving. For me, it's not so much that the hurt becomes less, but it is more integrated into my whole being.

Thinking of you and your Jockie.

[Autumn & Lola]

Your pain still jumps from the page and for that I am truly sorry. Islander is right; a year isn't that long when it comes to grieving. It's been recently six years since I lost Mandy and I can still get quite upset when I think about her hard enough. Although most times when I think of her now, it is with a big smile. It will be like that one day for you when you think of Jock.

[tlwtheq]

I know how you feel, so well, so well.  Even though I lost Holdsworth in 2000 and Shadow in 2002 the whole

memory of losing them makes my heart ache.  Take care.  (Here come the tears.)

[Hillscreek]

Peace 

[arseovrteakettl]

Tears here too, for Jock and for the ones who took a piece of my heart with them when they left.

[LindaMC]

I can feel your pain so vividly every time you talk about Jock, I know how much he meant to you.  When you speak about the love and life that left his eyes, it takes me right back to the night we had to put Cocoa down.  That was the worst night of my life and I truly believe that a piece of me went with him that evening in October 2011.  Take care of yourself, you deserve it.  

 

I am sure that Jock is watching over you.

 

I Am Not There

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn's rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush

of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there, I did not die.

 

~Unknown

Edited September 5, 2014 by LindaMC

[_whits_]

Once again, I can't thank you enough for sharing Jock with all of us on Cairn Talk. Thank you as well for being such a valuable source of advice and guidance for us newer Cairn owners, especially during times when it can't be easy to talk about our Cairns when yours isn't with you. Although I never knew Jock, I feel like I did and will always think of him with great fondness and gratitude that I got to share a small part in the life you had with him. 

 

Anniversaries like these don't seem to get easier in my experience, but the memories do seem to grow fonder. I hope you can feel our love and support. 

 

With love to you, DH and Rosie, from myself and Addie. 

[Sam I Am]

Thanks all for the kind words and thoughts. I know some people think (pretty sure not for most on this site) how silly to get so emotional about a dog when there are "real" sad happenings in the world way worse. No doubt there are but I always think that you cannot measure what makes one persons loss more upsetting than another. You can't. Grief is genuine and you gotta feel what you feel. Keeps the heart and head healthy in the long run.

 

I do have to share a moment that I thought was so sweet .... I wish I had my iphone with me at that moment, however its an experience I wont forget for a long time. Rosie is a very sensitive animal... more so than any dog I have ever known.  Jocks urn and collar are on a shelf close to the bed. I know she is very in tune to my emotions when something is upsetting me. She  jumped on the bed, had her ears flat on her head, whined while looking at the shelf. I took down Jocks urn and collar and placed them on the bed beside her. Immediately she lay down beside the urn and collar, tail wagging madly and licking the Jocks collar and urn. Did she know.... did she smell him still? Or are animals way more in tune to what perhaps we cannot detect? I will never know but it sure put a smile on my face, as I know how much she adored her older cousin.

[tlwtheq]

Our canine family members are really in tune with we humans and our feelings...they've had thousands of years of practice.

After all, they were smart enough to figure out being around us could be beneficial in the first place.

And you're right; I never judge an animal, human or nonhuman, by their level of intelligence.  Although I suspect that

that we humans ain't as intelligent as we "thinks" we "is".  Quite radical a notion, I know.

 

But to quote Singer from "Animal Liberation", "All animals are deserving of equal consideration".

 

My goodness, how did I end up on the soap box?  I guess I reacted to "some people (not here) thinking

it's silly" to consider that grief for non-human family members isn't as important as grief for humans.

There are literally billions of humans who believe that ridiculous notion.  Their loss.

 

You're right on the money, Terrier Lover.  No silliness in that at all.

 

Continue to treasure your Rosie and her sensitivity.

Edited September 8, 2014 by tlwtheq