Giving Up My Dog

[momofelouise]

I haven't posted here for many years, but my heart is breaking and I need someone to talk to about it.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I have decided the wisest thing to do is give my dog to someone else who will love her just as much as I do, and who can take care of her better than I can. I met a woman a few weeks ago who has a Cairn and is looking for an other one. When I told her I was thinking of rehoming my dog, she said she was very interested and invited me to her house that day. I didn't go, but I took her info. After a few weeks I deicded to call her and I'm taking my dog for a visit tomorrow morning.

If all goes well, I am going to ask her to come to my house and get her on Saturday. The reason for this is that my dog will gladly go with anyone, however; she tends to cry if I leave her somewhere. I can't do that to her :-(

I don't want to get into the reasons why I have decided to re-home her, but I'm wondering if anyone else has ever had to do anything like this...or even better, those of you who took in a dog who was *not* in an abusive or neglectful home, did the dog have trouble adjusting? I've always heard that dogs live in the moment, they don't experience emotional trauma the way that we do...is that true? Is my dog going to think that I've abandoned her? Is she going to miss me and cry and night??

*Sigh*...I've just given her a bath and I've washed all of her toys and leashes. Then I have to get out all of her vet records to take with us tomorrow...my heart is breaking and I'm trying not to let my emotions get in the way of my decision...does anyone have any words of encouragement??

[pkcrossley]

my heart is breaking for you. i know you wouldn't do this if you didn't have to.

yes, you can be encouraged. it sounds like you have found an excellent home for elouise. she will miss you, she will remember you, she will know you love her. but she will also be happy. dogs have this gift.

[KShep]

Yes, it's sad when this happens, and I agree with pkcrossley, it sounds like you have thought long and hard about this. No one has the right to judge you as we don't know what it's like to be in your shoes. My mother had to give away one of our dogs when we were growing up. The good news is, it sounds like you have found the perfect new home for her and are doing the most responsible thing. She may be a little sad initially, but she will quickly adapt. Dogs are like that. They live very much in the moment (I've heard exactly the same thing). Please don't be too hard on yourself.

[hheldorfer]

I can't say anything that will ease your pain and my heart is breaking right along with yours. This must have been a very, very difficult decision to make. In the way of encouragement, however, it sounds as if you have found a wonderful home for Eloise - someone who is familiar with Cairns and really wants another one.

In answer to your question, we adopted Buffy from a shelter after her owners had surrendered her (due to problems between the dog and their 3-year-old). Buffy was about a year old at the time and she adjusted very quickly to our home. She showed no signs of anxiety or trauma.

Please let us know how things go tomorrow. We're here for you.

[Dempsy's Mom]

Eloise knows that you love her and will take you with her. I am so very sorry. I too adopted Demps when he was 1 year and Demps fit right in and if he would of had another cairn he would of been in heaven. I think it is great that you get to see where your baby will be, meet the other cairn and get to know the person who will fall in love with Eloise. You are a strong and loving person. God Bless both you and Eloise. I hope you find contentment & comfort.

[Idaho Cairns]

I have taken two adult Cairns into my home that were voluntary surrenders, both had obviously been well taken care of (to the point of being spoiled in one case) and neither dog had any problem adjusting to my home or our dog at the time--one a terrier mix and one a Cairn. Cairns do adjust well to a new environment in my opinion but it does help to have a bit of patience with them. Hopefully the person taking your Cairn does understand that. One of the very good things about this "rehoming" is that the new owner knows you and can contact you concerning behaviors they might not understand or that are different from their Cairn. I always wished I had known the person who gave up my first Cairn, the dog was so wonderful for so many years and I know the previous owner would have been pleased with how she was being loved and taken care of.

Yes, what you are doing is heart rending and unimaginable for most of us but I know that the reasons you are undertaking this must be very good ones and, if it helps at all, your decision to put the dog in a Cairn familiar situation is correct. We have long ago made a pact with my daughter who owns a Cairn that if anything should happen to both us in a common catastrophe, that she will take our Cairns and we have agreed to reciprocate should the situation reverse itself.

I wish you peace with this decision and hope you realize that you have done the right thing by your dog.

[Malcolm's Dad]

I read somewhere (can't remember where) that being a pack animal if a dog is separated from its pack it will find another pack to join. Eloise will adjust to the new pack after a while. She may be troubled at first, her world as she knows it will change dramatically. Its so wonderful you found the perfect home for her. A loving owner and double bonus... another Cairn! She will be fine after a period of adjustment.

I am so sorry you are in this circumstance. What you are doing for Eloise is a testament to your love for her, God Bless you. I hope your future brings to you the compassion you are showing this dog.

[momofelouise]

Thank you everyone for the encouragement! I'm feelng a little better about this. I decided to sleep with one of her freshly washed toys for the next few nights, so that it will smell like me. I think it would make the transition easier...am I right about that?

My friend was telling me that there has to be a really good reason this is happening...maybe there's someone in this woman's home who really needs Eloise. I'm hoping there may be an elderly person there...Eloise loves elderly people. Or maybe not...maybe she'll just end up totally loving everyone and beg to stay :-) Thanks for the responses, everyone. I will post again tomorrow and let you know how it goes!

[sanford]

I read some time ago that when rehomed, "cairn terriers easily transfer their affections." I have no idea if this generalization is accurate or not, but this statement always stayed with me. As someone who has adopted my first cairn years ago, and another more recently, I found it to be true; my cairns adjusted quickly. I honestly never detected any sense of loss or sadness in them.

I hope it helps you to know this, and that the sensitive, caring comments by the folks on this site are heartening to you in your difficult situation.

[momofelouise]

I read some time ago that when rehomed, "cairn terriers easily transfer their affections." I have no idea if this generalization is accurate or not, but this statement always stayed with me. As someone who has adopted my first cairn years ago, and another more recently, I found it to be true; my cairns adjusted quickly. I honestly never detected any sense of loss or sadness in them.

I hope it helps you to know this, and that the sensitive, caring comments by the folks on this site are heartening to you in your difficult situation.

Oh, thank you so much for this! Up until recently I've always thought that she would easily go to anyone else and could easily forget me...which wasn't so great then, but now I'm seeing it as a comfort..but now she tends to follow me all over the house, which is what's making it harder for me :-( But she's so affectionate to everyone she meets, I have hope that what you describe will be true for her, too.

[Meggie]

I hate to sound/be negative and it is by no means my intentions to offend but as someone who does animal rescue work I hope you either know this person well or have gotten, at the very least, her vet's contact info so you can check and ensure she is on the up and up (regarding having pets their entire lifetimes, seeking appropriate treatments etc)

I get frightened when I hear of situations like this due to my own experiences and stories shared among the rescue community. You'd be surprised how many people who happily step up to take an animal but how often these things go poorly if the proper steps aren't taken beforehand to "screen" the adopter.

People will often adopt an animal and when it proves trickier than expected or the novelty wears off, adopt it out to someone else without your consent and the process is repeated until the animal can no longer be traced.

I hope your circumstances change for the better.

Best of luck to you, your doggie and the new owner...

[Idaho Cairns]

Never look at a serendipitous occurrence without paying attention. A person comes along with a Cairn and wanting a Cairn at the same time you need to find a good home for a Cairn that you cherish. Fate is apparently smiling on you in this regard. I doubt that Eloise will "forget" you because I don't think dogs do forget humans but that doesn't mean she will grieve when she loses you either--Cairns are smart and they are adaptable, joyful creatures. She will be fine. Please do let us know how it goes.

[percy's_girl]

I'm so sorry you have to make this tough decision. My dog Percy is also a rehomed dog that fate brought to me. I was at a point in my life that I had decided I was ready for a dog and had done all kinds of research trying to figure out which breed I wanted. I've always loved terriers and when I read about Cairns I fell in love. As it happened, a good friend of mine knew a lady who was looking for a new home for her almost 2 year old cairn. I went to her house to meet Percy and left a new dog owner (maybe a bit overwhelmed that it happened so quickly).

I will tell you for a day or two Percy was a bit off...shy and reserved. She was probably just trying to figure out her new surroundings. But it didn't take long for her to warm up to me and adjust to her new home. They really are quite adaptable.

I think it's great you are going to the lady's house to meet her and her dog and I think you will know if it is a good fit or not when you meet them. I hope everything goes well.

[remltr]

After a few weeks I deicded to call her and I'm taking my dog for a visit tomorrow morning.

I agree with everyone here, but you might consider having this meeting in a neutral place if the Cairns are going to be included, if the respective Cairns have not met before. Hopefully this will eliminate any initial aggression about ownership of the home from the other Cairn. If they meet in a neutral place then they can get to know each other without that initial tension.

I wish you well and you will know what is the right thing to do. Just listen to your gut.

[little feet zip]

My three are volunter surrender first a Cairn 6mos old, then a year and a half later an 8yr old Cairn and a 3yr old Wesstie that came together from the same home. All three adjusted very quick. I do like Remltr idea on meeting on neutral ground at first and then take to the new house that she will be going to, for a visit so it will be familiar to her. My last two I met the owner at a rest stop on the turnpike let the dogs meet, put them in my car hauled them home and never been happier. It is much harder for us adjust.

[Zekey's Mom]

my dog will gladly go with anyone

It sounds like your guy will not have any problems. It's not at all easy to give up a pet, but I do think you've found a wonderful home for yours. I adopted Zekey at 1 yr, and he bonded instantly. He ears did perk up sometimes, when he heard kids playing in the neighborhood, and I guessed that he probably came from a home with children. But he soon was too busy exploring his new turf and neighbors to be wistful for long.

What you'll be part of is an "open adoption" where, if everyone agrees, you can get updates from time to time, and as others said, the new owner can call you with questions.

Regarding the sleeping with a toy, I've heard that if you're kenneling a dog, include a freshly worn sock with his toys, so that the dog will be comforted by your scent. So, this makes sense and should ease the transition.

Keep us posted on how YOU'RE doing, since I know your little pup will be fine.

[Hawkeye]

My heart goes out to you. This has to be a very difficult decision and I feel you are going about it in the best way by checking out this women and her home environment. It will also give you peace of mind knowing your Eloise is in a loving home. It has to be reassuring to read these responses from people who have taken in voluntary surrenders to know that she will adjust to her new home. Eloise is a well adjusted and deeply loved cairn thanks to you; and because of you, she will be able to adjust to her new home. Please let us know how you make out today.

God bless you & Eloise.

[Sam I Am]

Heart breaking... I know. I had to give up my German Shep years ago. Again I had no choice. I was very luck as was Jessie my GS. A friend of mine had parents who had just lost their dog and were looking for another mature dog that enjoyed acreage living. Within a week she was happier than a clam... eating fried eggs and liver pate! Her new owners were German . She lived to the ripe old age of 13. There are also Cairn rescue groups that can help you if the new owner doesnt pan out. Good luck and remember, thankfully animals have short memories. As long as she is loved, fed and looked after your Elouise will have a good life. A big hug from me and Jock

[momofelouise]

Thank you everyone!

We had a great visit! The two cairns fell in love at first sight! Eloise was right at home. They have a small make-shift fenced in area and plan to get a fence put in. In the mean time they take their dog to the dog park every morning. So we went together and she got to meet all of the regulars. They just loved her to death, and then they took lots of pictures and videos and they said they will talk it over and make sure they're ready for the commitment, and then they will call me :-) I feel very good about this. A lot better than last night. Thank you to everyone for the encouragement, and I will let you know if they decide to take her.

[hheldorfer]

I was relieved to see your latest message regarding today's visit. It sounds as if you are becoming more comfortable with the situation and Elouise would be happy also. Thanks for the update.

[Dempsy's Mom]

That was a very reassuring update. So happy that everything went well. I know it's still harder than heck, but you have so many blessings during this time of sorrow. Hang in there.

[remltr]

I am glad to hear it went well and hope that the new family decides to take her. I can only imagine how tough this is on you, but it will probably be tougher on you than her.

I did not get Sassy until she was 4 years old and she was a little nervous the first day, but after that, it was like she had been there all her life. Very smooth transition for her.

[cairnrescueleague]

In the meantime, please ask them for three personal references (only one of which should be a family member), also a vet reference. You should call them, or I'd be happy to have our reference check coordinator do it for you. You've already done a home visit. Do they understand that cairns can never be off leash unless they're in a securely fenced area? Is their home set up so Eloise couldn't inadvertently slip out the door? Any young children in the home? Is their cairn spayed/neutered?

You should also ask them for a fee, or to make a donation to a cairn rescue group. We ask for a donation of $300 for cairns 1-5 years old, $250 6-10, and $150 over 10. All of this shows commitment on their part. If they're not willing to provide references or make a donation or pay something for Eloise, then maybe this isn't the right home.

You should also have them sign an adoption contract that requires that Eloise be returned to you or surrendered to rescue if things don't work out for any reason. If you email me off list, I'll be happy to provide you with information about a contract - cairnrescueleague@gmail.com.

However, if you got Eloise from a breeder who's a member of the Cairn Terrier Club of America, there should be a contract that requires you to return Eloise to her breeder. Or if you got her from a rescue group, to return her to the rescue.

I don't mean to sound like a wet blanket, this may well turn out to be a wonderful home for Eloise, but these are basics that should be considered. I'm so sorry you have to give her up. If for any reason this doesn't work out, we'll be happy to help you find a good home for her.

[bradl]

Good advice.

I understand and appreciate that this specific topic is a bit of a tightrope to walk, so this is a generic reminder: to whatever extent any topic approaches discussion about actual placement of a specific dog, it must be moved off-line. Discussion about how the process works, advice, etc. -- fine. Thanks.

[Jeff N Oscar]

We adopted Oscar back in May, he's 8 years old and our second Cairn. His owner had to give him up because she was in poor health and was finding it difficult to care for him properly. I was thrilled to get him and we've have a very nice transition. He fits in here pretty good. It took a couple months to get settled in to where it felt like he belonged, but it did happen and now we can't imagine being without him. Make sure you exchange phone numbers so they can contact you with any questions in the future. I had a few questions after adopting Oscar and was glad to have the contact info so I was able to meet his needs whenever possible. Sorry you have to give up your dog.