The things we learn from our animals

[Scruffys Mom]

My animals have gifted me in so many ways. I try to learn from them. As a recent divorce' , I entered a relationship with a divorced man with 4 adult children. I do not have children so these were new waters for me. 1 of the kids, the youngest daughter (23) hates me. I am not used to people being mean to me or rude. While all of this was happening, I lost Sparky, my beloved Cairn, and brought home my new pup, Spanky. Scruffy, my 5 yr old Cairn HATED Spanky when I brought him home. I had a legitimate concern she would kill Spanky. This forum and patience got us through those first temperamental weeks that required 24 hour surveillance. Each time Scruffy growled and snapped at Spanky, Spanky would give a little puppy bark and wag his little tail. Eventually Spanky's charm and determination won Scruffy over. They are now friends and I see a love and protectiveness building between them. The daughter still hates me, but I still use the charm and determination I saw my puppy use to get along with a real bitch. As a footnote, I will be far patient with my dogs then I will a spoiled 23 year old (LOL)

[Idaho Cairns]

As a divorced father of four adult children (now), I can understand the situation. I never entered a relationship with a woman where all my children were in accord with the individual. I tried for years to "get it right" before I realized that I was being a bit scammed by the kids in that regard. The minute I suggested to them that it was my life and that my choices were made without their permission, the nonsense ended.

My youngest daughter still has some issues with my wife but as I told her--"You are an adult, if or how you work this out with my wife is your business but because you are a grown, educated, and intelligent woman, I do not intend to tell you how to proceed, or if you should even try--it is your business."

My children were all raised well, they know what is right and what is wrong, all are educated, they have always lived with parents that had expectations about "proper" behavior with no excuses accepted. The first lesson they learned from me was that they couldn't and shouldn't expect everyone to "like" them and to deal with it and if they can't, then they will be miserable--their choice.

Dogs are much better at relationships than humans--they don't have egos or hidden agendas. They work out problems more quickly and more permanently.

Good luck.

[Scruffys Mom]

Idaho, you are a good man and a good dad...

[hheldorfer]

I never had children of my own. After my divorce I met DH - who had two young adult sons - and we were married. The boys have been wonderful and accepting - not that there haven't been any uncomfortable moments - and things have worked out well. Had they been daughters, though . . . well, I think it would have been more difficult. Keep your positive attitude and, if she doesn't come around, you'll still have your life and she'll have hers.

Dogs are an inspiration, aren't they? I felt the same way when we brought Ziggy home. Buffy was appalled that we had the nerve to bring another dog into the house and she despised him, but Ziggy kept his tail wagging and won her over. Good luck!

[janis]

Divorced remarried mom here (I'm sensing a pattern). When I started dating my current husband my 14 year old son objected - I kindly pointed out that if I didn't have someone in my life, he would have to stay home and take care of me! He immediately developed a wonderful relation with the guy he calls Dad! Thing work out. Hang in there!

What I have learned from Kirby is to stretch in the morning. Not very profound, but I realized that he's doing downward facing dog then a cat stretch after his am belly rub and leg massage. He seems to face the morning happy and enthusiastic after that! So, why not learn from that! Now I try and stretch too!

[TazTalk]

I am also a stepmom - of 2 girls in their 20's now. One of them is difficult to bond with and I have agonized over the situation because I truly want it to be better. But I'm starting to adapt the perspective that sometimes you can't force things and I hope that perhaps with maturity and time ... it may be improve down the road.

Maybe we need to growl every once in a while, eh?